So I've been living life. I struggle with finding purpose. I know purpose, but it is different to feel purpose. Maybe what I really mean is fulfillment, not just purpose. Every now and again, I pray for God to show me how to be truly fulfilled; in Him, in what I do every day, in loving others, in serving others, in falling in love with Jesus.
But I don't feel like I'm falling in love with Jesus. I'm just falling in love with feeling fulfilled. Is that bad? Well... it's iffy, but for truth's sake I'll say yes --it is bad when it comes down to what I really mean.
I mean that I just want to feel good, all the time. I don't want to wake up and have to deal with my own bad attitude. I don't want to think a lustful thought, or act out of pride and selfishness. I just want to be perfect. I want to feel perfect, and be saved by my own perfection, which would make me feel really good. But if I were perfect, Jesus would be nothing to me but a mere acquaintance. I might even create a paradox by becoming really prideful out of my perfection, and then try to climb above Jesus' throne so I could be most high. I would be Satan.
I don't want to be perfect anymore. Not until Jesus is the one who makes me perfect, rather than myself. I mean like when I go to heaven. I think heaven will be nice.
Something that God revealed to Paul was not to set aside His grace. God has been revealing that to me as well.
"I do not set aside the grace of God, for if righteousness could be gained through the law, Christ died for nothing!" Galatians 2:21
So, back to falling in love with Jesus. I really want to. But maybe, just maybe I have a skewed perspective of what love really is. Is love a feeling? Yes, but not all the time. Love itself is not made up of feeling. If I think it is, I will be a terrible husband. Is love a choice? That sounds a little better. My choice to walk in grace, to take time alone with Jesus (if only 20 minutes a day), to love others, to serve others... I think even choosing to believe that I am loved will lead me towards falling in love. It's the revelation of God's love for us that changes us. I pray that Jesus continues to reveal His love to me. I pray that Jesus would reveal His love to you as well. Maybe you don't realize that you even need His love. It sounds mushy and gay if you're a guy. But Jesus' love is different. For some reason I can accept it as pure and cool.
Jesus' love is cool.
Saturday, March 27, 2010
Thursday, March 25, 2010
So much adventure...
I decided that my first post didn't deserve the merit of holding any information of quality or quantity since it seems rude of me to plunge into the blogging world, all full of myself thinking that I have the right to long, creatively informative stories of what I am doing with my life! Therefore, my first ever "blog post" was a sacrifice made unto the blogging community as a sign of good intention and peaceful relations.
On to my second, more interesting post.
I am currently employed at Mazzio's Pizza on Front St. as a cook. I make pizza, pasta, sandwiches, calzones, hot wings, and assorted fried foods. I also clean. Everyone there knows that I clean. If they walk in and see a clean make table before they see me, they know who is cooking that night. I like that. My reputation at Mazzio's is that of a clean freak. Not a bad thing for an employee at a licensed restaurant, right? I don't let it interfere (too much) with the quality and efficiency of my work. Sometimes I could be rolling out more dough, or filling up the pepperoni, but one thing that my mother taught me, and that I never truly learned until living in a one room apartment with two other guys, (or was it living with 16 other people in Ireland?) is that a clean kitchen is a happy kitchen. So I keep it clean. But this really only feels like a transitional period for me. I have plans for the near future -- big plans for an eighteen year old who has never made big plans like these big plans that I am making. There is a major maturing process involved in making big plans. I think God is dealing well with my whiny, infantile attitudes that show themselves every now and then. Most of the time He just ignores me. Or maybe that's just how I perceive it when I'm in my whiny, infantile state of mind. Looking back over the weeks, I think He's actually been lovingly teaching me patience and perseverance. Oh, and faith of course, He's always teaching me faith.
Patience. A lot of things aren't happening as fast as I think they ought to; but if they ought to happen, then God's timing will let them happen whenever is best, so I'll wait it out, which leads me to perseverance. I could just give up on this big plan that I obviously can't do on my own, and do something else I want to do that I probably can achieve on my own. But if I'm outside of God's good and perfect will, I most likely won't be as happy as I would be if I were inside of it. So I'll persevere, because Jesus persevered life on this earth and death on a cross so that I can live life abundantly. And I think God's plan is abundant living. So I'll have faith that God is good, and that my patience and perseverance will not be in vain. And they are not in vain, because I have learnt patience and perseverance from my... patience and... perseverance... huh?
On to my second, more interesting post.
I am currently employed at Mazzio's Pizza on Front St. as a cook. I make pizza, pasta, sandwiches, calzones, hot wings, and assorted fried foods. I also clean. Everyone there knows that I clean. If they walk in and see a clean make table before they see me, they know who is cooking that night. I like that. My reputation at Mazzio's is that of a clean freak. Not a bad thing for an employee at a licensed restaurant, right? I don't let it interfere (too much) with the quality and efficiency of my work. Sometimes I could be rolling out more dough, or filling up the pepperoni, but one thing that my mother taught me, and that I never truly learned until living in a one room apartment with two other guys, (or was it living with 16 other people in Ireland?) is that a clean kitchen is a happy kitchen. So I keep it clean. But this really only feels like a transitional period for me. I have plans for the near future -- big plans for an eighteen year old who has never made big plans like these big plans that I am making. There is a major maturing process involved in making big plans. I think God is dealing well with my whiny, infantile attitudes that show themselves every now and then. Most of the time He just ignores me. Or maybe that's just how I perceive it when I'm in my whiny, infantile state of mind. Looking back over the weeks, I think He's actually been lovingly teaching me patience and perseverance. Oh, and faith of course, He's always teaching me faith.
Patience. A lot of things aren't happening as fast as I think they ought to; but if they ought to happen, then God's timing will let them happen whenever is best, so I'll wait it out, which leads me to perseverance. I could just give up on this big plan that I obviously can't do on my own, and do something else I want to do that I probably can achieve on my own. But if I'm outside of God's good and perfect will, I most likely won't be as happy as I would be if I were inside of it. So I'll persevere, because Jesus persevered life on this earth and death on a cross so that I can live life abundantly. And I think God's plan is abundant living. So I'll have faith that God is good, and that my patience and perseverance will not be in vain. And they are not in vain, because I have learnt patience and perseverance from my... patience and... perseverance... huh?
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