January 17, 2011 -- 12:47am

Sitting in a small white room can be introspectively eye opening. With a lack of color comes a certain preoccupation with self. A realization of how corruptible man is demands immediate and sincere surrender unto Christ. Frailty is the nature of man. Strength belongs to Jesus Christ alone.
All too often, I make demands of myself that I am unable to meet. I demand honesty and purity, humility and kindness, self control and love. I achieve no sincere accomplishment of such noble traits. I am given over to passion. A day does not go by where I abstain from lies or lust, pride or vain ambition. Each and every waking moment forms a pattern, a story dependent upon my decision in any given situation.

Will I surrender to Christ, or live in my own strength?

How Could I Express

With few words, there's little to say; an impostor is making his way inside. Well, there's not much to say but the same thing over and over again, I've done it again, and again, and again so much that I no longer call it sin; rather, personality. Realistically, I cannot express what I desire, because I desire death, it's obvious, or I wouldn't do it again. Or is it? Is this what it seems, or am I just deceived; I believe in satisfaction, yet I never find myself satisfied with what I see, just enough to keep me slaked. I am incredibly inane, indelibly insane of my own; thank God it's not just me. In a moment of weakness I think that I am my own, but in your grace I belong to something greater, your strength I seek to keep my feet from falling off the planet of my own means, I mean to die; stay OUT of the temple, where you don't belong! I am not my own, I am bought at a price, so leave God with his devices and he will satisfy! Our thoughts alive with life, love and lascivious intentions; give me what I want, everything in the kingdom will be mine if I will worship you!
NO, I refuse, I refuse to be aligned with you, I beseech intervention!
Lord, I know I am not and you are, please make me to know who you truly are. Rescue me from death, save me from the grave! How do I glorify if I am not glorious; no, I cannot glorify, but you can use me how you want. Do it yourself! for I am unable to with my small will.