Third Post

So I've been living life. I struggle with finding purpose. I know purpose, but it is different to feel purpose. Maybe what I really mean is fulfillment, not just purpose. Every now and again, I pray for God to show me how to be truly fulfilled; in Him, in what I do every day, in loving others, in serving others, in falling in love with Jesus.
But I don't feel like I'm falling in love with Jesus. I'm just falling in love with feeling fulfilled. Is that bad? Well... it's iffy, but for truth's sake I'll say yes --it is bad when it comes down to what I really mean.
I mean that I just want to feel good, all the time. I don't want to wake up and have to deal with my own bad attitude. I don't want to think a lustful thought, or act out of pride and selfishness. I just want to be perfect. I want to feel perfect, and be saved by my own perfection, which would make me feel really good. But if I were perfect, Jesus would be nothing to me but a mere acquaintance. I might even create a paradox by becoming really prideful out of my perfection, and then try to climb above Jesus' throne so I could be most high. I would be Satan.
I don't want to be perfect anymore. Not until Jesus is the one who makes me perfect, rather than myself. I mean like when I go to heaven. I think heaven will be nice.

Something that God revealed to Paul was not to set aside His grace. God has been revealing that to me as well.
"I do not set aside the grace of God, for if righteousness could be gained through the law, Christ died for nothing!" Galatians 2:21

So, back to falling in love with Jesus. I really want to. But maybe, just maybe I have a skewed perspective of what love really is. Is love a feeling? Yes, but not all the time. Love itself is not made up of feeling. If I think it is, I will be a terrible husband. Is love a choice? That sounds a little better. My choice to walk in grace, to take time alone with Jesus (if only 20 minutes a day), to love others, to serve others... I think even choosing to believe that I am loved will lead me towards falling in love. It's the revelation of God's love for us that changes us. I pray that Jesus continues to reveal His love to me. I pray that Jesus would reveal His love to you as well. Maybe you don't realize that you even need His love. It sounds mushy and gay if you're a guy. But Jesus' love is different. For some reason I can accept it as pure and cool.
Jesus' love is cool.