I've been itching to write something on my blog, but obviously not writing anything. I've been trying to think of something worth your time, but not coming up with much. I've been vying to catch your attention and impress you with my life, but nothing is impressive. We visited a youth group here on Thursday Island a few nights ago, and I stood up in front of ten or fifteen people, and told them I was weak, which was the most liberating thing I've done lately.
I won't impress you with my stories. If I feign nothing, I am a perfectly dreadful person. I don't like how my attitudes affect me. They seep so far down that they seem to corrupt my faith. I know God is gracious, but what when I'm not gracious to myself?
This has been my struggle lately, staring back at the reality of my imperfect life. It's a pride shattering battle, filled with many tears and few words of relevance. When I try to think of Jesus rather than myself, I think of myself. I think of how bad I am at thinking of Jesus rather than myself.
I realize this is all rather depressing, but sometimes I have a taste for honesty rather than beauty. Pray with me (or in all honesty, more often for me as I can't always find the heart to pray for myself) that God might transform the ugliness of my attitudes, and break the addiction I have with sulking in my imperfection, to the glory and honor of His name.
Wednesday, July 28, 2010
Friday, July 9, 2010
Twentieth Post
I don't really have an intro paragraph.
What if I didn't strive for righteousness? It sounds ridiculous, but that's what God is. The attraction is in the absurdity. "Very rarely will anyone die for a righteous man, though for a good man someone might possibly dare to die. But God demonstrates his own love for us in this: While we were still sinners, Christ died for us." (Romans 5:7-8) First off, "very rarely," secondly, "might possibly dare to die" for good, lovable people. But as absurdity would have it, Jesus willingly died for highly unlovable, unloving people.
Like I said, the attraction is in the absurdity; especially when I realize that, all facades aside, I am a highly unlovable and unloving person.
When I take righteousness into my own hands, I assume the role of Jesus. I steal from God his ability and power to change my life. That places me in the position of savior. It's a futile position, as guilty as I am.
I'm tired of trying to be good. I want to live life in all truth and reality. I want to stop worrying about my morality, and start living as if I'm alive. This is what God's grace does to me.
What if I didn't strive for righteousness? It sounds ridiculous, but that's what God is. The attraction is in the absurdity. "Very rarely will anyone die for a righteous man, though for a good man someone might possibly dare to die. But God demonstrates his own love for us in this: While we were still sinners, Christ died for us." (Romans 5:7-8) First off, "very rarely," secondly, "might possibly dare to die" for good, lovable people. But as absurdity would have it, Jesus willingly died for highly unlovable, unloving people.
Like I said, the attraction is in the absurdity; especially when I realize that, all facades aside, I am a highly unlovable and unloving person.
When I take righteousness into my own hands, I assume the role of Jesus. I steal from God his ability and power to change my life. That places me in the position of savior. It's a futile position, as guilty as I am.
I'm tired of trying to be good. I want to live life in all truth and reality. I want to stop worrying about my morality, and start living as if I'm alive. This is what God's grace does to me.
Thursday, July 1, 2010
Nineteenth Post -- Meeeh
I am hardwired to go. GOGOGOGOGOGOGOGOGOGO. GOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO.
"Don't stop, moo-ooo-ven"
There is simply too much energy in this skinny little frame of mine to stop moving. When I do stop for an extended period of time, I get unenergetic. I also really like people. I'm kind of a people person, actually. I'm still pretty socially awkward at times, but with great practice, I've gotten better. I actually said "Hi, how are you?" to the lady who sat down next to me on the plane. She even had a book! That's ALWAYS a sign to shut up. But she was very kind, and we had a decent sized conversation about what we both were currently doing with our lives. It was quite a milestone. Then there was a guy carrying an electric guitar, and I asked him what it was, and we talked for a few minutes whilst walking.
It's almost as if when I talk to people, they talk back. An astounding discovery, and a courageous step in the right direction. I think I'll try to talk to people more often.
http://donmilleris.com/2010/06/14/the-stuff-of-good-friendships/
"Don't stop, moo-ooo-ven"
There is simply too much energy in this skinny little frame of mine to stop moving. When I do stop for an extended period of time, I get unenergetic. I also really like people. I'm kind of a people person, actually. I'm still pretty socially awkward at times, but with great practice, I've gotten better. I actually said "Hi, how are you?" to the lady who sat down next to me on the plane. She even had a book! That's ALWAYS a sign to shut up. But she was very kind, and we had a decent sized conversation about what we both were currently doing with our lives. It was quite a milestone. Then there was a guy carrying an electric guitar, and I asked him what it was, and we talked for a few minutes whilst walking.
It's almost as if when I talk to people, they talk back. An astounding discovery, and a courageous step in the right direction. I think I'll try to talk to people more often.
http://donmilleris.com/2010/06/14/the-stuff-of-good-friendships/
Subscribe to:
Comments (Atom)
