"Be still and know that I am God."
Talk less, listen more. The word of the Lord stands forever, not the words of man. I only want to say something if the Lord approves of what I say. Challenging.
Thursday, November 25, 2010
Wednesday, September 1, 2010
Twenty Two -- Done with the ship.
My commitment with the M/V Pacific Link is finished. It's not exactly an exciting thing in and of itself, but it's necessary, and I am excited to keep moving forward with God. I made many friends along the way, learned a lot of random knowledge, and found out more about what makes my heart beat.
Something that came up a few times is adaptability. I enjoy doing many different jobs rather than being stuck in just one thing. I love to learn whatever I can learn, and I made a point to do that in the areas I worked in. Well, kind of. Many times I complained and pouted when I wasn't feeling up to par but still had to work, so that may have robbed me of some things I could have learnt. No regrets, right? All that aside, a ship was a great place for adaptability. I miss the challenges. I told my mom that I'd rather be challenged and hate it than be relaxed and bored. The first day I was back here in Brisbane, I was bored. I am high maintenance, even for myself.
One thing I feel a hint of is the challenge from God to be full on for Him. I went through the same thing in my DTS, just in a different context. He challenged me then to be one hundred percent in my search for Him, and now He's challenging me to be one hundred percent in my service to Him and others, as well as in my search. It's a big challenge, and one I'd like to start taking seriously.
One day I was asked to do a quick testimony/thought for morning devotions in our clinic group the next morning. It's a semi funny story actually. Around eight that night, I was taking a shower and remembered that I had nothing for tomorrow morning. So I quickly, and jokingly, asked God to give me an idea right there in the shower. But then my nose started hurting and I got really distracted with trying to make it better, then the 'one minute of water left' beeper went off and I had soap all over me -- but my nose was so distracting.
I had it - God had given me an idea, and I would call it "Distracted by Pain" . I made the analogy that pain is like sin. The water signifies what God has put before us to use, and the soap is whoever we are affecting or meant to affect. Most of the time we're so caught up with our sins that we forget our time is transient, and at the end of either a two week missions trip or the end of our life, we regret that we didn't make better use of the time. I could have kept worrying about my nose and not had any water left. But I ended up ignoring my nose, and washed the soap off in time. I then related the distraction directly to self control. Without it, we can't fully grasp on to what God has for us, because we'll ultimately be controlled by sinful desire. I found Proverbs 25:28, which says this. "A man without self-control is like a city broken into and left without walls." So true. One compromise, then two, then three, and soon the walls are completely gone and the city is free to be attacked and ravaged by the enemy. Self control keeps us in God's Word, it keeps us from compromise, and by God's Grace gets us up out of the pit when it doesn't keep us from compromise. Self control works together with the Holy Spirit and the Blood of Christ to form a tight bond of intimacy, relationship, and forgiveness. Frankly, I need more self control in my life. I'm constantly rebuilding the walls because the enemy is constantly prowling around like a roaring lion, attacking and devouring. It's time to stop compromising.
Something that came up a few times is adaptability. I enjoy doing many different jobs rather than being stuck in just one thing. I love to learn whatever I can learn, and I made a point to do that in the areas I worked in. Well, kind of. Many times I complained and pouted when I wasn't feeling up to par but still had to work, so that may have robbed me of some things I could have learnt. No regrets, right? All that aside, a ship was a great place for adaptability. I miss the challenges. I told my mom that I'd rather be challenged and hate it than be relaxed and bored. The first day I was back here in Brisbane, I was bored. I am high maintenance, even for myself.
One thing I feel a hint of is the challenge from God to be full on for Him. I went through the same thing in my DTS, just in a different context. He challenged me then to be one hundred percent in my search for Him, and now He's challenging me to be one hundred percent in my service to Him and others, as well as in my search. It's a big challenge, and one I'd like to start taking seriously.
One day I was asked to do a quick testimony/thought for morning devotions in our clinic group the next morning. It's a semi funny story actually. Around eight that night, I was taking a shower and remembered that I had nothing for tomorrow morning. So I quickly, and jokingly, asked God to give me an idea right there in the shower. But then my nose started hurting and I got really distracted with trying to make it better, then the 'one minute of water left' beeper went off and I had soap all over me -- but my nose was so distracting.
I had it - God had given me an idea, and I would call it "Distracted by Pain" . I made the analogy that pain is like sin. The water signifies what God has put before us to use, and the soap is whoever we are affecting or meant to affect. Most of the time we're so caught up with our sins that we forget our time is transient, and at the end of either a two week missions trip or the end of our life, we regret that we didn't make better use of the time. I could have kept worrying about my nose and not had any water left. But I ended up ignoring my nose, and washed the soap off in time. I then related the distraction directly to self control. Without it, we can't fully grasp on to what God has for us, because we'll ultimately be controlled by sinful desire. I found Proverbs 25:28, which says this. "A man without self-control is like a city broken into and left without walls." So true. One compromise, then two, then three, and soon the walls are completely gone and the city is free to be attacked and ravaged by the enemy. Self control keeps us in God's Word, it keeps us from compromise, and by God's Grace gets us up out of the pit when it doesn't keep us from compromise. Self control works together with the Holy Spirit and the Blood of Christ to form a tight bond of intimacy, relationship, and forgiveness. Frankly, I need more self control in my life. I'm constantly rebuilding the walls because the enemy is constantly prowling around like a roaring lion, attacking and devouring. It's time to stop compromising.
Wednesday, July 28, 2010
Twenty One
I've been itching to write something on my blog, but obviously not writing anything. I've been trying to think of something worth your time, but not coming up with much. I've been vying to catch your attention and impress you with my life, but nothing is impressive. We visited a youth group here on Thursday Island a few nights ago, and I stood up in front of ten or fifteen people, and told them I was weak, which was the most liberating thing I've done lately.
I won't impress you with my stories. If I feign nothing, I am a perfectly dreadful person. I don't like how my attitudes affect me. They seep so far down that they seem to corrupt my faith. I know God is gracious, but what when I'm not gracious to myself?
This has been my struggle lately, staring back at the reality of my imperfect life. It's a pride shattering battle, filled with many tears and few words of relevance. When I try to think of Jesus rather than myself, I think of myself. I think of how bad I am at thinking of Jesus rather than myself.
I realize this is all rather depressing, but sometimes I have a taste for honesty rather than beauty. Pray with me (or in all honesty, more often for me as I can't always find the heart to pray for myself) that God might transform the ugliness of my attitudes, and break the addiction I have with sulking in my imperfection, to the glory and honor of His name.
I won't impress you with my stories. If I feign nothing, I am a perfectly dreadful person. I don't like how my attitudes affect me. They seep so far down that they seem to corrupt my faith. I know God is gracious, but what when I'm not gracious to myself?
This has been my struggle lately, staring back at the reality of my imperfect life. It's a pride shattering battle, filled with many tears and few words of relevance. When I try to think of Jesus rather than myself, I think of myself. I think of how bad I am at thinking of Jesus rather than myself.
I realize this is all rather depressing, but sometimes I have a taste for honesty rather than beauty. Pray with me (or in all honesty, more often for me as I can't always find the heart to pray for myself) that God might transform the ugliness of my attitudes, and break the addiction I have with sulking in my imperfection, to the glory and honor of His name.
Friday, July 9, 2010
Twentieth Post
I don't really have an intro paragraph.
What if I didn't strive for righteousness? It sounds ridiculous, but that's what God is. The attraction is in the absurdity. "Very rarely will anyone die for a righteous man, though for a good man someone might possibly dare to die. But God demonstrates his own love for us in this: While we were still sinners, Christ died for us." (Romans 5:7-8) First off, "very rarely," secondly, "might possibly dare to die" for good, lovable people. But as absurdity would have it, Jesus willingly died for highly unlovable, unloving people.
Like I said, the attraction is in the absurdity; especially when I realize that, all facades aside, I am a highly unlovable and unloving person.
When I take righteousness into my own hands, I assume the role of Jesus. I steal from God his ability and power to change my life. That places me in the position of savior. It's a futile position, as guilty as I am.
I'm tired of trying to be good. I want to live life in all truth and reality. I want to stop worrying about my morality, and start living as if I'm alive. This is what God's grace does to me.
What if I didn't strive for righteousness? It sounds ridiculous, but that's what God is. The attraction is in the absurdity. "Very rarely will anyone die for a righteous man, though for a good man someone might possibly dare to die. But God demonstrates his own love for us in this: While we were still sinners, Christ died for us." (Romans 5:7-8) First off, "very rarely," secondly, "might possibly dare to die" for good, lovable people. But as absurdity would have it, Jesus willingly died for highly unlovable, unloving people.
Like I said, the attraction is in the absurdity; especially when I realize that, all facades aside, I am a highly unlovable and unloving person.
When I take righteousness into my own hands, I assume the role of Jesus. I steal from God his ability and power to change my life. That places me in the position of savior. It's a futile position, as guilty as I am.
I'm tired of trying to be good. I want to live life in all truth and reality. I want to stop worrying about my morality, and start living as if I'm alive. This is what God's grace does to me.
Thursday, July 1, 2010
Nineteenth Post -- Meeeh
I am hardwired to go. GOGOGOGOGOGOGOGOGOGO. GOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO.
"Don't stop, moo-ooo-ven"
There is simply too much energy in this skinny little frame of mine to stop moving. When I do stop for an extended period of time, I get unenergetic. I also really like people. I'm kind of a people person, actually. I'm still pretty socially awkward at times, but with great practice, I've gotten better. I actually said "Hi, how are you?" to the lady who sat down next to me on the plane. She even had a book! That's ALWAYS a sign to shut up. But she was very kind, and we had a decent sized conversation about what we both were currently doing with our lives. It was quite a milestone. Then there was a guy carrying an electric guitar, and I asked him what it was, and we talked for a few minutes whilst walking.
It's almost as if when I talk to people, they talk back. An astounding discovery, and a courageous step in the right direction. I think I'll try to talk to people more often.
http://donmilleris.com/2010/06/14/the-stuff-of-good-friendships/
"Don't stop, moo-ooo-ven"
There is simply too much energy in this skinny little frame of mine to stop moving. When I do stop for an extended period of time, I get unenergetic. I also really like people. I'm kind of a people person, actually. I'm still pretty socially awkward at times, but with great practice, I've gotten better. I actually said "Hi, how are you?" to the lady who sat down next to me on the plane. She even had a book! That's ALWAYS a sign to shut up. But she was very kind, and we had a decent sized conversation about what we both were currently doing with our lives. It was quite a milestone. Then there was a guy carrying an electric guitar, and I asked him what it was, and we talked for a few minutes whilst walking.
It's almost as if when I talk to people, they talk back. An astounding discovery, and a courageous step in the right direction. I think I'll try to talk to people more often.
http://donmilleris.com/2010/06/14/the-stuff-of-good-friendships/
Tuesday, June 29, 2010
Eighteenth Post
I'm in Brisbane now! Just for two weeks, then I'll fly back up to Townsville and get on the ship again to continue on up to Cairns, then Thursday Island, then PNG.
Wow, how fast time goes by. It reminds me of a verse I just read this morning, in Ephesians 5:15-16 that says "Look carefully then how you walk, not as unwise but as wise, making the best use of the time, because the days are evil." The past few days God has really been putting it onto my heart to walk by the Spirit (Galatians 5:25). To walk in the Spirit, talk in the Spirit, be led by the Spirit. Because the Spirit leads us in God's will; he cannot lead us away from God, nor can he lead us to do anything to hinder God's Kingdom. Jesus said it Himself in Mark 3:24: "If a kingdom is divided against itself, that kingdom cannot stand." He was specifically speaking of the kingdom of darkness, conceding that he could not be possessed by Satan, for if he were, then he could not cast out other demons. It applies to the Kingdom of God as well. If we walk by the Spirit, we are guaranteed to further the Kingdom of God. What is the Kingdom of God made up of? Love, joy, peace, patience, kindness, goodness, faithfulness, gentleness, self-control. What is the fruit of the Spirit, or more specifically, walking by the Spirit? Love, joy, peace, patience, kindness, goodness, faithfulness, gentleness, self-control. It makes so much sense to walk by the Spirit! Especially since I already DO live by the Spirit. I have been baptized into Him.
There are a couple things that God has pointed out for me in the past eight or nine months. One, I am made to worship. I have been given the talents to worship as well. Two, I am made to walk in the Spirit. Radically, passionately, zealously. I've been given the personality to do that. A few words spoken over me recently point to this. Walking in the Spirit is exciting! Isn't it? So I'm striving to do just that, and in so doing God will continue to transform me from the inside out.
I've made quite a few friends on the ship, some of whom are just on their DTS outreach, so they'll be leaving soon, which is sad. But my life has been filled with goodbyes, and I have found out that the best thing to do is just cry and then continue seeking God and His will for me. Which is what I'm doing right now, for my long term future. I have a plan, but I'm really praying for clear direction.
So, if you decide you want to intercede for me, pray that I would continue to walk in the Spirit, and that God would give me clear direction for what to do over the next year, and then some. Peace out!
Wow, how fast time goes by. It reminds me of a verse I just read this morning, in Ephesians 5:15-16 that says "Look carefully then how you walk, not as unwise but as wise, making the best use of the time, because the days are evil." The past few days God has really been putting it onto my heart to walk by the Spirit (Galatians 5:25). To walk in the Spirit, talk in the Spirit, be led by the Spirit. Because the Spirit leads us in God's will; he cannot lead us away from God, nor can he lead us to do anything to hinder God's Kingdom. Jesus said it Himself in Mark 3:24: "If a kingdom is divided against itself, that kingdom cannot stand." He was specifically speaking of the kingdom of darkness, conceding that he could not be possessed by Satan, for if he were, then he could not cast out other demons. It applies to the Kingdom of God as well. If we walk by the Spirit, we are guaranteed to further the Kingdom of God. What is the Kingdom of God made up of? Love, joy, peace, patience, kindness, goodness, faithfulness, gentleness, self-control. What is the fruit of the Spirit, or more specifically, walking by the Spirit? Love, joy, peace, patience, kindness, goodness, faithfulness, gentleness, self-control. It makes so much sense to walk by the Spirit! Especially since I already DO live by the Spirit. I have been baptized into Him.
There are a couple things that God has pointed out for me in the past eight or nine months. One, I am made to worship. I have been given the talents to worship as well. Two, I am made to walk in the Spirit. Radically, passionately, zealously. I've been given the personality to do that. A few words spoken over me recently point to this. Walking in the Spirit is exciting! Isn't it? So I'm striving to do just that, and in so doing God will continue to transform me from the inside out.
I've made quite a few friends on the ship, some of whom are just on their DTS outreach, so they'll be leaving soon, which is sad. But my life has been filled with goodbyes, and I have found out that the best thing to do is just cry and then continue seeking God and His will for me. Which is what I'm doing right now, for my long term future. I have a plan, but I'm really praying for clear direction.
So, if you decide you want to intercede for me, pray that I would continue to walk in the Spirit, and that God would give me clear direction for what to do over the next year, and then some. Peace out!
Wednesday, June 16, 2010
Seventeenth Post
Sorry, this might be short.
Actually, screw it, I'm staying up late.
We arrived in Bowen. Well, we arrived in Gladstone. Actually, we arrived in Brisbane. It's been awhile...
So blah blah blah blah, and now we're in Bowen. If you care to know, it's where they did a lot of the filming for the movie "Australia." I overheard people saying they didn't do it in Darwin, where the film is supposed to be based, because Darwin's city was too civilized. So they filmed it in Bowen. Now you have an idea of where I am. It's a ten minute walk down the wharf. Thirty minutes of walking will get us to heaven, otherwise known as McDonald's, the land of free internet and not cheap, but still crappy food.
I'm days, hours, minutes, seconds away from diving into the ocean and swimming out as far as possible. I stand a better chance of deriving awe and wonder in God from the utter despair of being stranded in the darkness amongst crashing waves and curious fish than from beating myself over my failures that are all too easy to focus on when I'm comfortable. God, give something else to focus on. My mind reeks of disorder. My stomach has been perpetually twisted in a knot, begging for something or someone to untie it and resolve my mental flogging. Woe is me, for I am a sinner. I have tasted and seen the goodness of God; without Him I am lost in darkness, subject to disorder, knotted in anxiety. "What is man that you are mindful of him?"
Actually, screw it, I'm staying up late.
We arrived in Bowen. Well, we arrived in Gladstone. Actually, we arrived in Brisbane. It's been awhile...
So blah blah blah blah, and now we're in Bowen. If you care to know, it's where they did a lot of the filming for the movie "Australia." I overheard people saying they didn't do it in Darwin, where the film is supposed to be based, because Darwin's city was too civilized. So they filmed it in Bowen. Now you have an idea of where I am. It's a ten minute walk down the wharf. Thirty minutes of walking will get us to heaven, otherwise known as McDonald's, the land of free internet and not cheap, but still crappy food.
I'm days, hours, minutes, seconds away from diving into the ocean and swimming out as far as possible. I stand a better chance of deriving awe and wonder in God from the utter despair of being stranded in the darkness amongst crashing waves and curious fish than from beating myself over my failures that are all too easy to focus on when I'm comfortable. God, give something else to focus on. My mind reeks of disorder. My stomach has been perpetually twisted in a knot, begging for something or someone to untie it and resolve my mental flogging. Woe is me, for I am a sinner. I have tasted and seen the goodness of God; without Him I am lost in darkness, subject to disorder, knotted in anxiety. "What is man that you are mindful of him?"
Sunday, May 23, 2010
Sixteenth Post
Wow, I am such a hypocrite. I've been tossed back and forth by every wave, blown here and there by every wind; one minute satisfied with Jesus, the next, crushed by my unfaithfulness. But I encouraged myself; it's sad, actually, but I went back and read some of my blog. My excuse? To see where I've come from, and pathetically grasp at what I once recently had. All shame aside, I stumbled upon this very recent challenge to others, which ends up being a challenge to myself.
"Take an objective look at yourself over the past few months. Isn't God working in you? Breaking you free from bondage, bringing you nearer to Him, igniting PASSION in your heart to know Him and love Him. Ask your Father in heaven to help you see yourself how He sees you. Don't settle for guilt, shame, disappointment. Fight for a clear perspective on who He says you are."
Fight. That's what gets to me. I have not fought, but rather been pitiful in my defense rather than fighting for my faith. "Fight for my faith, live what I believe, gotta stand on my feet and sing, Oh I will sing..." I believe God is challenging me here. Do I fight, or lament in my supposed suffering? I have no grounds for my laments in comparison to others who continue to praise God, despite their trials. I am a sad warrior in God's Kingdom, but God is faithful to his people. "You will seek me and find me when you seek me with all your heart." Am I willing? Is my heart in this? No, not right now, but my heart is still beating. I am still allowed this opportunity to further God's Kingdom in a practical way. So I will fight for a right perspective on who God is, who I am, what I am doing, and what this ship is doing. This is too big to simply give up until I am done. I have something to offer here, and I will not shy away from that.
I'll tell you a bit about where I am/what I'm doing/my living conditions now that I'm done encouraging myself.
Well, let's see. My bed is super comfy. It's the top bunk, with a little curtain that made me silently scream when I first shut it. It's that feeling you get when you build a living room fort out of couch cushions and sheets, and you get a flashlight and some snacks, and it's the safest place you could ever be (other than in the Sixth Sense). I love that feeling, so every time I experience it, I silently throw a fit, unless of course there is a sickly girl vomiting in front me, at which point I'd throw a very loud fit. But usually silently, because there are room mates that I don't know well twelve inches away from me. Don't want a weird reputation. Or do I? I am a weird guy.
Food is good. Breakfast is at horrid hours, so I usually sleep through it.
Shower's are short, but doable.
Water conservation is a big deal.
ADD is kicking in fast.
I'm thinking about pulling out my new journal. There's this attachment to my old one, and a bit of OCD about finishing it entirely, but I might break the mold and leave the last 12 pages blank. It's holding me back from WRITING, because I keep expecting to write what I used to write, exactly how I used to write. But if I crack out my new journal and start fresh, maybe my bout of writer's block will be broken. I'm going to take a risk. Leave my old journal behind, pray over my new one, ask God for my prayer's to be passionate, freeing, full of truth and honesty. I write, that's how I pray. I can't focus without writing. Learning? Maybe, or it's just my style. I think I'll stop rambling now; I digress.
"Take an objective look at yourself over the past few months. Isn't God working in you? Breaking you free from bondage, bringing you nearer to Him, igniting PASSION in your heart to know Him and love Him. Ask your Father in heaven to help you see yourself how He sees you. Don't settle for guilt, shame, disappointment. Fight for a clear perspective on who He says you are."
Fight. That's what gets to me. I have not fought, but rather been pitiful in my defense rather than fighting for my faith. "Fight for my faith, live what I believe, gotta stand on my feet and sing, Oh I will sing..." I believe God is challenging me here. Do I fight, or lament in my supposed suffering? I have no grounds for my laments in comparison to others who continue to praise God, despite their trials. I am a sad warrior in God's Kingdom, but God is faithful to his people. "You will seek me and find me when you seek me with all your heart." Am I willing? Is my heart in this? No, not right now, but my heart is still beating. I am still allowed this opportunity to further God's Kingdom in a practical way. So I will fight for a right perspective on who God is, who I am, what I am doing, and what this ship is doing. This is too big to simply give up until I am done. I have something to offer here, and I will not shy away from that.
I'll tell you a bit about where I am/what I'm doing/my living conditions now that I'm done encouraging myself.
Well, let's see. My bed is super comfy. It's the top bunk, with a little curtain that made me silently scream when I first shut it. It's that feeling you get when you build a living room fort out of couch cushions and sheets, and you get a flashlight and some snacks, and it's the safest place you could ever be (other than in the Sixth Sense). I love that feeling, so every time I experience it, I silently throw a fit, unless of course there is a sickly girl vomiting in front me, at which point I'd throw a very loud fit. But usually silently, because there are room mates that I don't know well twelve inches away from me. Don't want a weird reputation. Or do I? I am a weird guy.
Food is good. Breakfast is at horrid hours, so I usually sleep through it.
Shower's are short, but doable.
Water conservation is a big deal.
ADD is kicking in fast.
I'm thinking about pulling out my new journal. There's this attachment to my old one, and a bit of OCD about finishing it entirely, but I might break the mold and leave the last 12 pages blank. It's holding me back from WRITING, because I keep expecting to write what I used to write, exactly how I used to write. But if I crack out my new journal and start fresh, maybe my bout of writer's block will be broken. I'm going to take a risk. Leave my old journal behind, pray over my new one, ask God for my prayer's to be passionate, freeing, full of truth and honesty. I write, that's how I pray. I can't focus without writing. Learning? Maybe, or it's just my style. I think I'll stop rambling now; I digress.
Friday, May 21, 2010
Fifteenth Post -- asdf;klj
I am now on the ship.
We are still in port.
My brain is shot right now, I truly can't think well, so forgive me as I try to form something communicable. Like that word, I have no idea if it's used in the right place.
Anyways, I've been sick for the past however many days. I don't even know days anymore. I got on the ship on Tuesday, and it's currently Friday night. YES. I am slowly regaining composure. It's been dumb being sick for the first few days on board -- it's not seasickness though. I've had this rascal of a fever that is fighting to stay in my body. I still have a terrible sore throat, but I've been up and aboutish for today and yesterday.
Basically, I need grace. Learning about humbling myself lately, I'll do that now in brutal honesty. Lately, all these things have been stacking up on me that I've taken on to myself, and it gets tiring. I feel like I've been ripped away from God because of this sickness, and how busy I've been, so I haven't been able to spend any time to myself just to sit down with God and whine and scream like I normally do, so I've been bottling it all up inside. It's about to push me over if I don't stop now and re-think things a bit. I want to find rest in God again. I don't know how I will do this without God, in all honesty. I envy and respect those that live minute to minute life styles and still fit Jesus into their day. But it starts with Jesus, right? I try.
So I'm going to go talk with Him now and see if I can work some things out. In the midst of all the busyness, I'll do my best to keep you up to date. Right now, this is a call to prayer, because I truly do need it.
Prayer points = peace, rest, wisdom, perseverance, and a genuine heart for what we're doing.
We are still in port.
My brain is shot right now, I truly can't think well, so forgive me as I try to form something communicable. Like that word, I have no idea if it's used in the right place.
Anyways, I've been sick for the past however many days. I don't even know days anymore. I got on the ship on Tuesday, and it's currently Friday night. YES. I am slowly regaining composure. It's been dumb being sick for the first few days on board -- it's not seasickness though. I've had this rascal of a fever that is fighting to stay in my body. I still have a terrible sore throat, but I've been up and aboutish for today and yesterday.
Basically, I need grace. Learning about humbling myself lately, I'll do that now in brutal honesty. Lately, all these things have been stacking up on me that I've taken on to myself, and it gets tiring. I feel like I've been ripped away from God because of this sickness, and how busy I've been, so I haven't been able to spend any time to myself just to sit down with God and whine and scream like I normally do, so I've been bottling it all up inside. It's about to push me over if I don't stop now and re-think things a bit. I want to find rest in God again. I don't know how I will do this without God, in all honesty. I envy and respect those that live minute to minute life styles and still fit Jesus into their day. But it starts with Jesus, right? I try.
So I'm going to go talk with Him now and see if I can work some things out. In the midst of all the busyness, I'll do my best to keep you up to date. Right now, this is a call to prayer, because I truly do need it.
Prayer points = peace, rest, wisdom, perseverance, and a genuine heart for what we're doing.
Saturday, May 15, 2010
Fourteenth Post -- Mt. Warning
I climbed a mountain yesterday.
I'm not in shape.
So today, I hurt everywhere.
Let me explain. I can barely walk. Jennifer and I (she's one of the land team directors) walked (a bit short of jogging) up the mountain, 4.4km (2.7 miles), all uphill. It was rain-foresty and beautiful on the way up. The last part was close to vertical, with a chain on the side to hold on to. The top was an awesome view. After about twenty minutes of rest, we jogged the entire way down. It was very good. I did well on the way up, and better on the way down, but today I am nothing. I limp when I walk. It's a sad sight, but I don't accept any pity. When people ask me why I'm limping I just jog a little and smile to ease their minds. "Nope, nothing wrong here!"
I'm surprised at how much I enjoyed it though. Area permitting, I'll climb a mountain every port we stop at!
So as for how my time is going here, it's progressing. I'm getting more and more comfortable with all the people, but then when the ship gets in on Tuesday, I'll have more people to meet. I haven't seen the ship yet, I'm with the land team waiting for it to come in. We split into groups and went to church this morning. We went to the wrong church first. But we had already gone inside and introduced ourselves, so we left three there, and Jen and I went to the right one. It was funny. But I can't laugh, because my body really hurts. Don't pity me or ask me why I'm limping though, I really hate jogging.
I'm not in shape.
So today, I hurt everywhere.
Let me explain. I can barely walk. Jennifer and I (she's one of the land team directors) walked (a bit short of jogging) up the mountain, 4.4km (2.7 miles), all uphill. It was rain-foresty and beautiful on the way up. The last part was close to vertical, with a chain on the side to hold on to. The top was an awesome view. After about twenty minutes of rest, we jogged the entire way down. It was very good. I did well on the way up, and better on the way down, but today I am nothing. I limp when I walk. It's a sad sight, but I don't accept any pity. When people ask me why I'm limping I just jog a little and smile to ease their minds. "Nope, nothing wrong here!"
I'm surprised at how much I enjoyed it though. Area permitting, I'll climb a mountain every port we stop at!
So as for how my time is going here, it's progressing. I'm getting more and more comfortable with all the people, but then when the ship gets in on Tuesday, I'll have more people to meet. I haven't seen the ship yet, I'm with the land team waiting for it to come in. We split into groups and went to church this morning. We went to the wrong church first. But we had already gone inside and introduced ourselves, so we left three there, and Jen and I went to the right one. It was funny. But I can't laugh, because my body really hurts. Don't pity me or ask me why I'm limping though, I really hate jogging.
Wednesday, May 12, 2010
Thirteenth Post -- IN Australia!
I am jet lagged. A little bit. So hopefully that will make this post more interesting without me even noticing.
Well. I don't know where to start.
So I traveled for I don't know how many hours, from DFW to LAX to Auckland to Melbourne to Sydney, where I stayed overnight, and finally (in relation to plane travel), Ballina. There I was picked up by some people from the YWAM base in Byron Bay, which is actually thirty-ish minutes away from Ballina, drove around in a rickety van with for a couple hours posting up flyers for the ship (which is coming in to Ballina next Tuesday), and then back to their base -- thirty-ish minutes away. So I stayed there overnight (last night), woke up, was informed somebody would come pick me up at 8am, Kevin (base director) picked me up, drove another thirty-ish minutes away to where I currently am, which is I don't know where. I don't know where I am, really. All I know is it's a farm turned hostel (cabins/main building with kitchens&lounge area/little horses/pigs/pond with kayaks/beautiful scenery/and one rabbit that I really want to shoot because it looks so big) for the next few days, until we move to a church, until we move to another campground closer to Ballina, until I move onto the ship.
Get all that? Take some time to read back over it if you like. It's a lot of moving around. Quite scenic.
When I arrived this morning, we had worship/prayer times which was awesome. I felt almost right at home, which is pretty good for the first day. After worship/prayer we had morning tea, and then returned for lectures about the ship and what it's doing and who YWAM is and what not. Learning what I'll be saying to interested people. That involved splitting into groups of two every now and then for practice. I could go on about my day, but it got pretty boring from there, at least on paper (computer), so I'll spare you that. I did eat though.
The night is not over. It's only 6:42pm right now. I'm fairly uncreative right now, so all I can offer you is all that informational writing up there. Hopefully as time goes on I'll start getting inspired again and be able to entertain you with eloquent, smooth, and witty literature. Do I sound conceited?
Well. I don't know where to start.
So I traveled for I don't know how many hours, from DFW to LAX to Auckland to Melbourne to Sydney, where I stayed overnight, and finally (in relation to plane travel), Ballina. There I was picked up by some people from the YWAM base in Byron Bay, which is actually thirty-ish minutes away from Ballina, drove around in a rickety van with for a couple hours posting up flyers for the ship (which is coming in to Ballina next Tuesday), and then back to their base -- thirty-ish minutes away. So I stayed there overnight (last night), woke up, was informed somebody would come pick me up at 8am, Kevin (base director) picked me up, drove another thirty-ish minutes away to where I currently am, which is I don't know where. I don't know where I am, really. All I know is it's a farm turned hostel (cabins/main building with kitchens&lounge area/little horses/pigs/pond with kayaks/beautiful scenery/and one rabbit that I really want to shoot because it looks so big) for the next few days, until we move to a church, until we move to another campground closer to Ballina, until I move onto the ship.
Get all that? Take some time to read back over it if you like. It's a lot of moving around. Quite scenic.
When I arrived this morning, we had worship/prayer times which was awesome. I felt almost right at home, which is pretty good for the first day. After worship/prayer we had morning tea, and then returned for lectures about the ship and what it's doing and who YWAM is and what not. Learning what I'll be saying to interested people. That involved splitting into groups of two every now and then for practice. I could go on about my day, but it got pretty boring from there, at least on paper (computer), so I'll spare you that. I did eat though.
The night is not over. It's only 6:42pm right now. I'm fairly uncreative right now, so all I can offer you is all that informational writing up there. Hopefully as time goes on I'll start getting inspired again and be able to entertain you with eloquent, smooth, and witty literature. Do I sound conceited?
Saturday, May 8, 2010
Twelfth Post
I'm leaving in less than twelve hours. Excitement and anxiety don't always mix well, so I'm praying for peace that passes all understanding. Why wouldn't I be anxious? I'm starting something new, oooobaaammmaa's eeelff. But not really, because God is with me, and I'll meet new people soon enough.
Sleep is high on my priorities right now, so I'm going to let it rise to the top. Consequently, this post is short. I hope that on these plane rides I will become more Christlike. And then for the next nine months, more Christlike. Closer and closer to who I was always meant to be. Nearer to who God is shaping me to be. Please, pray that over me real quick.
I love this promise that is for all believers, and I claim it by the grace of Christ.
"May God himself, the God of peace, sanctify you through and through. May your whole spirit, soul and body be kept blameless at the coming of our Lord Jesus Christ. The one who calls you is faithful and he will do it."
1 Thessalonians 5:23-24
Take an objective look at yourself over the past few months. Isn't God working in you? Breaking you free from bondage, bringing you nearer to Him, igniting PASSION in your heart to know Him and love Him. Ask your Father in heaven to help you see yourself how He sees you. Don't settle for guilt, shame, disappointment. Fight for a clear perspective on who He says you are.
Sleep is high on my priorities right now, so I'm going to let it rise to the top. Consequently, this post is short. I hope that on these plane rides I will become more Christlike. And then for the next nine months, more Christlike. Closer and closer to who I was always meant to be. Nearer to who God is shaping me to be. Please, pray that over me real quick.
I love this promise that is for all believers, and I claim it by the grace of Christ.
"May God himself, the God of peace, sanctify you through and through. May your whole spirit, soul and body be kept blameless at the coming of our Lord Jesus Christ. The one who calls you is faithful and he will do it."
1 Thessalonians 5:23-24
Take an objective look at yourself over the past few months. Isn't God working in you? Breaking you free from bondage, bringing you nearer to Him, igniting PASSION in your heart to know Him and love Him. Ask your Father in heaven to help you see yourself how He sees you. Don't settle for guilt, shame, disappointment. Fight for a clear perspective on who He says you are.
Sunday, May 2, 2010
Eleventh Post
Wow, I feel inspired to live! I just read one of Donald Miller's blog posting's on God probably not having a specific plan for your life. Sounds a little sketchy at first glance, right? But it makes sense. Here's a link to the post:
http://donmilleris.com/2010/04/29/does-god-have-a-specific-plan-for-your-life-probably-not/
The reason this stuck out so much to me is because I could be the one sitting around waiting for God to tell me what to do if it weren't for one quote my brother, Carter, shared with me. "Love God and do what you want."
After much prayer about whether or not I should go to Australia and volunteer on the Pacific Link medical ship, I still didn't have an angel knock at my door and tell me that it was the right thing to do. Nor did I have God speak to me directly. Nor did I have everything working out perfectly, yet. It was still all up in the air. But I guess you could say that phone conversation with Carter nudged me over the edge. "Love God and do what you want." I want to go to Australia, I want to volunteer on this ship, and I love God. So I decided to go for it. And everything is working out! Why?
Because God loves me, and He loves that I'm following after His heart, so He's opening doors. It's not cocky for me to write that last sentence, it's Truth. God loves me. There is not an atom of hate in Him towards me. I heard the definition somewhere that to hate is "to wish death upon," but God wants life for me! He WANTS to see me prosper. He WANTS to see me content. He WANTS me to be joyful. He WANTS me to live an adventure. He WANTS to fulfill the desires of my heart. He WANTS to be my sole provider and foundation. And He is more than capable to do all of these things.
When I write "me," I mean "us." All of this applies to you -- ...unless you are an animal. I don't think He sent Jesus Christ to reconcile animals to Himself. But seriously, do you want joy, prosperity, contentment, adventure, fulfillment? My Father in heaven will provide.
I decided to draw with my crayons, and God is blessing me immensely. I say this before I have even departed on my adventure. How much more will I feel blessed when I'm living it?! Psalm 37:4-5 says " Delight yourself in the LORD, and he will give you the desires of your heart. Commit your way to the LORD; trust in him, and he will act..." Take my story as a testimony to God's faithfulness, please. This is what I have done, and what I am doing: I am delighting myself in the Lord as best I can; he is giving me the desires of my heart, regardless of my failure to delight in him completely. I have committed my way to the Lord as best I can, albeit my commitment to him is nothing compared to his commitment to me. Now, I am trusting in him by deciding to go to Australia, essentially without any money or 'sure sign' from him. And my gracious, loving, proud, honorable Father in heaven is acting. He is cheering me on, faithfully providing through the loving hearts of YOU. If you are supporting me in prayer, finances, or simply good favor, you yourself are a testimony to God's faithfulness in my life. So I thank you, and I thank God!
Live a little. Stop limiting yourself, and God. Go for it. If it's a desire of your heart, try it; see what happens. If it doesn't work out, maybe that's your 'sure sign' that it's not God's will right now. Delight yourself in God, commit your way to him, and then trust him to act in your best interest. Draw with your crayons!
http://donmilleris.com/2010/04/29/does-god-have-a-specific-plan-for-your-life-probably-not/
The reason this stuck out so much to me is because I could be the one sitting around waiting for God to tell me what to do if it weren't for one quote my brother, Carter, shared with me. "Love God and do what you want."
After much prayer about whether or not I should go to Australia and volunteer on the Pacific Link medical ship, I still didn't have an angel knock at my door and tell me that it was the right thing to do. Nor did I have God speak to me directly. Nor did I have everything working out perfectly, yet. It was still all up in the air. But I guess you could say that phone conversation with Carter nudged me over the edge. "Love God and do what you want." I want to go to Australia, I want to volunteer on this ship, and I love God. So I decided to go for it. And everything is working out! Why?
Because God loves me, and He loves that I'm following after His heart, so He's opening doors. It's not cocky for me to write that last sentence, it's Truth. God loves me. There is not an atom of hate in Him towards me. I heard the definition somewhere that to hate is "to wish death upon," but God wants life for me! He WANTS to see me prosper. He WANTS to see me content. He WANTS me to be joyful. He WANTS me to live an adventure. He WANTS to fulfill the desires of my heart. He WANTS to be my sole provider and foundation. And He is more than capable to do all of these things.
When I write "me," I mean "us." All of this applies to you -- ...unless you are an animal. I don't think He sent Jesus Christ to reconcile animals to Himself. But seriously, do you want joy, prosperity, contentment, adventure, fulfillment? My Father in heaven will provide.
I decided to draw with my crayons, and God is blessing me immensely. I say this before I have even departed on my adventure. How much more will I feel blessed when I'm living it?! Psalm 37:4-5 says " Delight yourself in the LORD, and he will give you the desires of your heart. Commit your way to the LORD; trust in him, and he will act..." Take my story as a testimony to God's faithfulness, please. This is what I have done, and what I am doing: I am delighting myself in the Lord as best I can; he is giving me the desires of my heart, regardless of my failure to delight in him completely. I have committed my way to the Lord as best I can, albeit my commitment to him is nothing compared to his commitment to me. Now, I am trusting in him by deciding to go to Australia, essentially without any money or 'sure sign' from him. And my gracious, loving, proud, honorable Father in heaven is acting. He is cheering me on, faithfully providing through the loving hearts of YOU. If you are supporting me in prayer, finances, or simply good favor, you yourself are a testimony to God's faithfulness in my life. So I thank you, and I thank God!
Live a little. Stop limiting yourself, and God. Go for it. If it's a desire of your heart, try it; see what happens. If it doesn't work out, maybe that's your 'sure sign' that it's not God's will right now. Delight yourself in God, commit your way to him, and then trust him to act in your best interest. Draw with your crayons!
Friday, April 30, 2010
Tenth Post -- Music
My brother, Drew, was recently talking about how music is a highway to the soul. It really gets to people like nothing else can. And it's true. In my opinion, music is exceedingly beneficial to our wellbeing. Whether the creation of, the participation in, or simply the act of listening to music will inspire something inside of us.
Anyways, recently one of my friends was badgering me about sharing some of my music with the world. It's weird for me to do, for some reason, but here is one song. I wrote the lyrics while Matt and I were camping out on the rock (see Sixth post), and then put the guitar to it while we were in Ohio. It's obviously a rough recording; I'm using my computer's mic, so it distorts easily. Who cares. I hope you enjoy my vocal solo at the very end.
http://www.garageband.com/song?|pe1|S8LTM0LdsaShY1SzZGs
Click on the neon green play button.
Anyways, recently one of my friends was badgering me about sharing some of my music with the world. It's weird for me to do, for some reason, but here is one song. I wrote the lyrics while Matt and I were camping out on the rock (see Sixth post), and then put the guitar to it while we were in Ohio. It's obviously a rough recording; I'm using my computer's mic, so it distorts easily. Who cares. I hope you enjoy my vocal solo at the very end.
http://www.garageband.com/song?|pe1|S8LTM0LdsaShY1SzZGs
Click on the neon green play button.
Friday, April 23, 2010
Ninth Post
I have two subjects to ponder today, both of which are of great importance, although one is spiritual and the other mainly physical. I don't know either inside out, but that's why I'm pondering them.
First, repentance. Death is eagerly awaiting to swallow us whole, but patient enough to settle for a bit at a time. Why do I bring up death? Because any pause between the recognition of sin and the act of repentance is an open wound inviting Satan to pour salt into it, eventually bringing some kind of death. I have thought about this often, because I sin often. Condemnation, guilt, shame, fear, doubt, separation from God. All of this, the result of me waiting to feel enough sorrow to merit my reception of forgiveness. How dumb. I must not wait to feel sorrow, or even conviction, to accept grace. If I think about it, I often do feel conviction or sorrow, I just don't think it's enough. But who am I to question the Holy Spirit in convicting me? God has already payed the price for my life, justifying me before Himself, allowing my entrance into His presence for eternity. Romans 3:22-24 proves this -- "This righteousness from God comes through faith in Jesus Christ to all who believe. There is no difference, for all have sinned and fall short of the glory of God, and are justified freely by his grace through the redemption that came by Christ Jesus.(NIV, emphasis added)" So if you are like me, stop beating yourself up over sin, and simply come to God, even boldly, in repentance once again. "Let us therefore come boldly unto the throne of grace, that we may obtain mercy, and find grace to help in time of need (KJV)." Hebrews 4:16
Now, food.
Yes, I said food. I love food. I eat a lot of food, too. And just recently, through the viewing of a few documentaries and revelation of my duty here on earth, have I begun thinking, really thinking, about where exactly my food is coming from. What all is in it? Are all of the people supplying it being treated fairly? Are even the animals being slaughtered taken care of when they are alive? What is the spirit behind the production of all the food that I eat? Is it a spirit of greed, or thoughtful consideration of the wellbeing of others? Basically, does 'Wal-Mart' really want to help people, or make money through the exploitation and mistreatment of vulnerable humans and animals?
I'll start with my responsibility as a human. Genesis 1:28 says "God blessed them and said to them, 'Be fruitful and increase in number; fill the earth and subdue it. Rule over the fish of the sea and the birds of the air and over every living creature that moves on the ground.'" I think God is proud of his creation of animals and plants and water and dirt. He said all of it was good. He is pleased with all of it. So as an image bearer of a God who is pleased with and proud of this earth, shouldn't I do everything in my power to steward wisely all that I have rule over? Not to treat the earth and everything in it simply as an instrument to satisfy my greed and selfishness. I believe in caring for our dwelling here. Not because I love this earth, but because anything less than caring for it is done out of fear, lack of faith, doubt, greed, selfishness, etc... it could get extremely long and complicated as to why I feel inclined to be a good steward of the earth and everything in it, but I'm just going to hope that you understand.
Now, these documentaries have gotten me thinking. I'd have to watch them again and research for myself to sift the fact from fiction, but I am more aware of some things that go on to bring food to my...chair. We don't have a table in here.
First off, chickens are treated pretty bad when they are alive. These massive, frozen, boneless chicken breasts that I have bought in bulk come from hormone injected chickens that are growing so fast their muscles cannot keep up with their weight. They can't walk, and they barely even stand. Most of their life is spent in a dark warehouse, surrounded by hundreds of other pathetic chickens, wallowing in their filth. I don't want to eat that chicken.
Second, many farmer's are manipulated by the companies buying their crop in bulk. The companies keep them in debt by forcing them to keep buying the latest equipment or pesticide or whatever. It comes down to mass production. It seems anything will be done for 'the most they can get in the least amount of time'. I don't want to condone that at any level.
Sadly, it's difficult to do much about this. I feel like I'm becoming a semi-vegetarian, and I tried to buy as much organic labeled food when I went shopping yesterday, but it's hard to find all organic in Tyler, TX. Fast food restaurants are dwindling down for me, and Wal-Mart is less and less appealing. There's probably a lot that I would have to give up, as well as search for, to stop condoning any hint of these injustices altogether, but I'm taking baby steps. I still bought lunch meat yesterday.
I know that somewhere animals and humans are greatly mistreated, and I also know that my consumption of certain foods only encourages these injustices. So I have a lot more thinking and researching to do, but at least I'm more aware. That's what I want you to be. More aware. Hopefully you will start thinking and researching for yourself.
First, repentance. Death is eagerly awaiting to swallow us whole, but patient enough to settle for a bit at a time. Why do I bring up death? Because any pause between the recognition of sin and the act of repentance is an open wound inviting Satan to pour salt into it, eventually bringing some kind of death. I have thought about this often, because I sin often. Condemnation, guilt, shame, fear, doubt, separation from God. All of this, the result of me waiting to feel enough sorrow to merit my reception of forgiveness. How dumb. I must not wait to feel sorrow, or even conviction, to accept grace. If I think about it, I often do feel conviction or sorrow, I just don't think it's enough. But who am I to question the Holy Spirit in convicting me? God has already payed the price for my life, justifying me before Himself, allowing my entrance into His presence for eternity. Romans 3:22-24 proves this -- "This righteousness from God comes through faith in Jesus Christ to all who believe. There is no difference, for all have sinned and fall short of the glory of God, and are justified freely by his grace through the redemption that came by Christ Jesus.(NIV, emphasis added)" So if you are like me, stop beating yourself up over sin, and simply come to God, even boldly, in repentance once again. "Let us therefore come boldly unto the throne of grace, that we may obtain mercy, and find grace to help in time of need (KJV)." Hebrews 4:16
Now, food.
Yes, I said food. I love food. I eat a lot of food, too. And just recently, through the viewing of a few documentaries and revelation of my duty here on earth, have I begun thinking, really thinking, about where exactly my food is coming from. What all is in it? Are all of the people supplying it being treated fairly? Are even the animals being slaughtered taken care of when they are alive? What is the spirit behind the production of all the food that I eat? Is it a spirit of greed, or thoughtful consideration of the wellbeing of others? Basically, does 'Wal-Mart' really want to help people, or make money through the exploitation and mistreatment of vulnerable humans and animals?
I'll start with my responsibility as a human. Genesis 1:28 says "God blessed them and said to them, 'Be fruitful and increase in number; fill the earth and subdue it. Rule over the fish of the sea and the birds of the air and over every living creature that moves on the ground.'" I think God is proud of his creation of animals and plants and water and dirt. He said all of it was good. He is pleased with all of it. So as an image bearer of a God who is pleased with and proud of this earth, shouldn't I do everything in my power to steward wisely all that I have rule over? Not to treat the earth and everything in it simply as an instrument to satisfy my greed and selfishness. I believe in caring for our dwelling here. Not because I love this earth, but because anything less than caring for it is done out of fear, lack of faith, doubt, greed, selfishness, etc... it could get extremely long and complicated as to why I feel inclined to be a good steward of the earth and everything in it, but I'm just going to hope that you understand.
Now, these documentaries have gotten me thinking. I'd have to watch them again and research for myself to sift the fact from fiction, but I am more aware of some things that go on to bring food to my...chair. We don't have a table in here.
First off, chickens are treated pretty bad when they are alive. These massive, frozen, boneless chicken breasts that I have bought in bulk come from hormone injected chickens that are growing so fast their muscles cannot keep up with their weight. They can't walk, and they barely even stand. Most of their life is spent in a dark warehouse, surrounded by hundreds of other pathetic chickens, wallowing in their filth. I don't want to eat that chicken.
Second, many farmer's are manipulated by the companies buying their crop in bulk. The companies keep them in debt by forcing them to keep buying the latest equipment or pesticide or whatever. It comes down to mass production. It seems anything will be done for 'the most they can get in the least amount of time'. I don't want to condone that at any level.
Sadly, it's difficult to do much about this. I feel like I'm becoming a semi-vegetarian, and I tried to buy as much organic labeled food when I went shopping yesterday, but it's hard to find all organic in Tyler, TX. Fast food restaurants are dwindling down for me, and Wal-Mart is less and less appealing. There's probably a lot that I would have to give up, as well as search for, to stop condoning any hint of these injustices altogether, but I'm taking baby steps. I still bought lunch meat yesterday.
I know that somewhere animals and humans are greatly mistreated, and I also know that my consumption of certain foods only encourages these injustices. So I have a lot more thinking and researching to do, but at least I'm more aware. That's what I want you to be. More aware. Hopefully you will start thinking and researching for yourself.
Monday, April 19, 2010
Eighth Post
I always get so far ahead of myself.
I'm sorry, that was rude. I didn't mean to jump into things. Let me give you a little background. Here's how it started --
I was stuck on a "mountain" for a few days camping out, like I mentioned a few days back. The day before we left, I decided to take a walk around the top of it; maybe a mile long circular trail. A quarter mile in, I hear distant sounds of a helicopter and start looking all around to see where the thing is, because I love helicopters and want to catch a glimpse of it and maybe wave to them so that they'll land and have lunch with me and then take me up in the helicopter with them. Anyways, after not seeing it, I keep walking and end up sitting on an overhanging rock overlooking a valley of dark green trees making up part of the Ozark's. It was beautiful. Still is, I'm just not there to look at it anymore. But then I saw it! A small yellow dot, off in the distance -- below me! The helicopter was flying through the valley, supposedly dropping chemicals that ignite on ground contact. It was cool to see the uprising of smoke as the helicopter kept making passes back and forth. So I got really excited about this helicopter. Then they started gaining altitude, and began to come over towards where I was, circled back around and back down into the valley. They went right over my head, maybe 30 feet above me. I don't remember exactly, I was too excited, but I probably jumped up and down waving at them, hoping for some lunch.
At that point, something in my heart was reignited. Passion.
"For helicopters?", you might ask. Well, yes actually. Fixed wing aircraft as well. But for more than that. For the thrill of the sky. The adrenaline of freedom. The danger of speed -- no, none of those, really. I cannot limit this passion to mere words; I am simply not scholarly enough to put this emotion on paper. It runs in my veins, somewhere deep in my soul, a longing for flight. I imagine myself sitting in the pilot's seat at the beginning of the runway, waiting for my flight instructor and air traffic control to give me the go ahead, then pushing in the throttle and my flight instructor taking over because I'm suddenly weeping and cannot do anything out of sheer joy. Surprised? For some reason I assume that everyone I know knows that I want to be a pilot, and I'm always surprised at the people that have no idea. Well, now you know. I want to be a pilot.
So that has been on my mind the past week or so. I have been eagerly searching online for colleges that offer major's in Aeronautic's/Aviation. I already emailed a few of them, requesting information. I really want to go to Embry-Riddle in Prescott, Arizona and become a commercial helicopter pilot. But it costs a lot to go there, so would depend completely on the financial aid package I was offered. Something around $63,000 a year, minimum, for that specific program. I still want to go there though. I think it fun to dream big with a safe dose of objectivity and open hands in case it is not where God wants me. That's what it comes down to. Trusting God. I honestly do not care if I ever fly a plane or helicopter, because I'm sure Jesus can hook me up in heaven if need be. They probably have super cool vehicles to fly in heaven.
And this is where I start reminding myself to focus on what is directly ahead of me. I haven't even begun my next adventure to the Pacific, and I am already thinking of my next one. Slow down, my soul, you have time enough!
See? I always get so far ahead of myself.
I'm sorry, that was rude. I didn't mean to jump into things. Let me give you a little background. Here's how it started --
I was stuck on a "mountain" for a few days camping out, like I mentioned a few days back. The day before we left, I decided to take a walk around the top of it; maybe a mile long circular trail. A quarter mile in, I hear distant sounds of a helicopter and start looking all around to see where the thing is, because I love helicopters and want to catch a glimpse of it and maybe wave to them so that they'll land and have lunch with me and then take me up in the helicopter with them. Anyways, after not seeing it, I keep walking and end up sitting on an overhanging rock overlooking a valley of dark green trees making up part of the Ozark's. It was beautiful. Still is, I'm just not there to look at it anymore. But then I saw it! A small yellow dot, off in the distance -- below me! The helicopter was flying through the valley, supposedly dropping chemicals that ignite on ground contact. It was cool to see the uprising of smoke as the helicopter kept making passes back and forth. So I got really excited about this helicopter. Then they started gaining altitude, and began to come over towards where I was, circled back around and back down into the valley. They went right over my head, maybe 30 feet above me. I don't remember exactly, I was too excited, but I probably jumped up and down waving at them, hoping for some lunch.
At that point, something in my heart was reignited. Passion.
"For helicopters?", you might ask. Well, yes actually. Fixed wing aircraft as well. But for more than that. For the thrill of the sky. The adrenaline of freedom. The danger of speed -- no, none of those, really. I cannot limit this passion to mere words; I am simply not scholarly enough to put this emotion on paper. It runs in my veins, somewhere deep in my soul, a longing for flight. I imagine myself sitting in the pilot's seat at the beginning of the runway, waiting for my flight instructor and air traffic control to give me the go ahead, then pushing in the throttle and my flight instructor taking over because I'm suddenly weeping and cannot do anything out of sheer joy. Surprised? For some reason I assume that everyone I know knows that I want to be a pilot, and I'm always surprised at the people that have no idea. Well, now you know. I want to be a pilot.
So that has been on my mind the past week or so. I have been eagerly searching online for colleges that offer major's in Aeronautic's/Aviation. I already emailed a few of them, requesting information. I really want to go to Embry-Riddle in Prescott, Arizona and become a commercial helicopter pilot. But it costs a lot to go there, so would depend completely on the financial aid package I was offered. Something around $63,000 a year, minimum, for that specific program. I still want to go there though. I think it fun to dream big with a safe dose of objectivity and open hands in case it is not where God wants me. That's what it comes down to. Trusting God. I honestly do not care if I ever fly a plane or helicopter, because I'm sure Jesus can hook me up in heaven if need be. They probably have super cool vehicles to fly in heaven.
And this is where I start reminding myself to focus on what is directly ahead of me. I haven't even begun my next adventure to the Pacific, and I am already thinking of my next one. Slow down, my soul, you have time enough!
See? I always get so far ahead of myself.
Saturday, April 17, 2010
Seventh Post -- Australia!
Here it is. What you've all been clicking on that bookmarked link to my blog for. Maybe that's just you, Christian. That's right, I know you're reading this. I do go off on tangents easily, don't I?
Anyways, I'm going to Australia! I have the tickets! I leave May 8th, out of Lovefield airport in Dallas. I'm very excited to fly again. I decided to do this sometime last year, mid-December. Now it is happening. Isn't that cool? It's definitely not by my sheer will that I'm going. It cannot be, or else I'll only have about $600 dollars for the next nine or so months of my life.
Which is where you poor people come in. I figure most of you that read my blog are fairly poor. And that is not a bad thing, I don't think less of you. How could I, I'm the one asking for your money?! I just think it is really cool when poor people give away money, even small amounts. What I'm trying to say here is that I will think you are really cool if you support me. Wouldn't that be a treat? I could even handwrite a note and sign it saying "Palmer think's (insert your name here) is really cool," that you could keep in your wallet at all times. Then, when you feel humiliated or depressed, you can take that out and show it to yourself or even someone else who is talking smack about you. That would shut them up. Not that I endorse retaliation or disdain for people that talk smack about you. I say love them back, and by that humiliate them.
Back to the broad chain of thought, I have a newsletter down below for you to read. I wrote a very rough draft, sent it to my journalist mother, and got this back. That's insider information too. Only the proud few who read my blog know that my newsletter is greatly edited and better-ited by my parents. So read it, tell me what you think, and send me some money -- or just pray for me. Prayer is a huge thing, so if you don't feel led to give any money, at least intercede on my behalf every now and then. Jesus loves when we pray for others.
"First of all, I would like to thank all of you who have prayed for me and supported me during my initialphase of missionary training at Youth With A Mission (YWAM) Denver Discipleship Training School (DTS.) Our outreach to Northern Ireland/Republic of Ireland was an amazing time of sharing God’s love through service, music, and friendships. I learned so much about God and his love for us, and I am eager to share this with others. It is humbling and amazing to realize that God can use an 18-year-old guy like me in His service!
I’ve been praying about what’s next for me, and am excited to announce that I’ll be joining YWAM Marine Reach on the MV Pacific Link Ship Tour. During my DTS, I heard about this medical ship based in Townsville, Queensland that is first touring 16 cities along the coast of Australia to engage youth to be more missions-focused and providing them with training opportunities to help them share their faith. Then the ship is making its way up to the Gulf Province of Papua New Guinea (PNG) to provide health care and community development to people in one of the world’s most rural and needy locations. The ship is equipped with an onboard operating room, and volunteer doctors, nurses, ship crew, and more are helping to address some of the Papua New Guinea's greatest health challenges such as malaria, HIV, and maternal and infant mortality rates. Please watch the YWAM Australia & PNG Ship Tour Video at:
http:// www.ywamships.org/
My jobs will be diverse, my living conditions challenging. I will be helping out with public relations, ship tours, and lights/sound set-up for events held in port along the tour. Then, when we head to PNG for the medical mission part of the tour, I will be involved with everyday jobs necessary to keep the ship in working order and going on outreaches into villages to spread God’s Kingdom through relationships and medi-cal aid. I am excited to be able to follow Jesus’ example of compassion to those in need, and especially to the people of PNG, where I spent much of my childhood (plus I just might get to see my parents while I’m there!)
Currently I am back in Tyler, Texas and got my part-time job back at Mazzio’s Pizza. During this transition I do need your continued prayers! I am in the process of raising support for my time as volunteer staff with YWAM Townsville. I need to raise $5,000, so I only need fifty people to donate $100 each! Will you beone of the fifty?
Thanks again for your continued prayers and support. I cannot do this work without partners like you!
In His Service, Palmer
If God puts it on your heart to support my work, please send your tax deductible donation via a check made payable to: Hope Alliance, PO Box 133165, Tyler, TX 75713, with a note attached that is it for Palmer Bandy's ministry. AND if you have time to visit with me, I would love to share more about all this with you personally - you can call me at the number below. Also, if you want to keep up with what I'm doing, send me an email at palmerbandy@gmail.com letting me know to put you on my mailing list!"
If you guy's want the .pdf file, this is the link. It is better formatted and has some cool colors and pictures for you to admire.
http://dl.dropbox.com/u/4994230/Palmer%20Newsletter%20April%202010%20%281%29.pdf
Anyways, I'm going to Australia! I have the tickets! I leave May 8th, out of Lovefield airport in Dallas. I'm very excited to fly again. I decided to do this sometime last year, mid-December. Now it is happening. Isn't that cool? It's definitely not by my sheer will that I'm going. It cannot be, or else I'll only have about $600 dollars for the next nine or so months of my life.
Which is where you poor people come in. I figure most of you that read my blog are fairly poor. And that is not a bad thing, I don't think less of you. How could I, I'm the one asking for your money?! I just think it is really cool when poor people give away money, even small amounts. What I'm trying to say here is that I will think you are really cool if you support me. Wouldn't that be a treat? I could even handwrite a note and sign it saying "Palmer think's (insert your name here) is really cool," that you could keep in your wallet at all times. Then, when you feel humiliated or depressed, you can take that out and show it to yourself or even someone else who is talking smack about you. That would shut them up. Not that I endorse retaliation or disdain for people that talk smack about you. I say love them back, and by that humiliate them.
Back to the broad chain of thought, I have a newsletter down below for you to read. I wrote a very rough draft, sent it to my journalist mother, and got this back. That's insider information too. Only the proud few who read my blog know that my newsletter is greatly edited and better-ited by my parents. So read it, tell me what you think, and send me some money -- or just pray for me. Prayer is a huge thing, so if you don't feel led to give any money, at least intercede on my behalf every now and then. Jesus loves when we pray for others.
"First of all, I would like to thank all of you who have prayed for me and supported me during my initialphase of missionary training at Youth With A Mission (YWAM) Denver Discipleship Training School (DTS.) Our outreach to Northern Ireland/Republic of Ireland was an amazing time of sharing God’s love through service, music, and friendships. I learned so much about God and his love for us, and I am eager to share this with others. It is humbling and amazing to realize that God can use an 18-year-old guy like me in His service!
I’ve been praying about what’s next for me, and am excited to announce that I’ll be joining YWAM Marine Reach on the MV Pacific Link Ship Tour. During my DTS, I heard about this medical ship based in Townsville, Queensland that is first touring 16 cities along the coast of Australia to engage youth to be more missions-focused and providing them with training opportunities to help them share their faith. Then the ship is making its way up to the Gulf Province of Papua New Guinea (PNG) to provide health care and community development to people in one of the world’s most rural and needy locations. The ship is equipped with an onboard operating room, and volunteer doctors, nurses, ship crew, and more are helping to address some of the Papua New Guinea's greatest health challenges such as malaria, HIV, and maternal and infant mortality rates. Please watch the YWAM Australia & PNG Ship Tour Video at:
http:// www.ywamships.org/
My jobs will be diverse, my living conditions challenging. I will be helping out with public relations, ship tours, and lights/sound set-up for events held in port along the tour. Then, when we head to PNG for the medical mission part of the tour, I will be involved with everyday jobs necessary to keep the ship in working order and going on outreaches into villages to spread God’s Kingdom through relationships and medi-cal aid. I am excited to be able to follow Jesus’ example of compassion to those in need, and especially to the people of PNG, where I spent much of my childhood (plus I just might get to see my parents while I’m there!)
Currently I am back in Tyler, Texas and got my part-time job back at Mazzio’s Pizza. During this transition I do need your continued prayers! I am in the process of raising support for my time as volunteer staff with YWAM Townsville. I need to raise $5,000, so I only need fifty people to donate $100 each! Will you beone of the fifty?
Thanks again for your continued prayers and support. I cannot do this work without partners like you!
In His Service, Palmer
If God puts it on your heart to support my work, please send your tax deductible donation via a check made payable to: Hope Alliance, PO Box 133165, Tyler, TX 75713, with a note attached that is it for Palmer Bandy's ministry. AND if you have time to visit with me, I would love to share more about all this with you personally - you can call me at the number below. Also, if you want to keep up with what I'm doing, send me an email at palmerbandy@gmail.com letting me know to put you on my mailing list!"
If you guy's want the .pdf file, this is the link. It is better formatted and has some cool colors and pictures for you to admire.
http://dl.dropbox.com/u/4994230/Palmer%20Newsletter%20April%202010%20%281%29.pdf
Thursday, April 15, 2010
Sixth Post
Well, I'm back. What an unexpected adventure. An explanation is necessary.
On Saturday, April 3rd, Matt and I embarked on our adventure to Arkansas at about 7:30am. I drove for the first 3 hours, then Matt took over for the next. While I was driving, about an hour out of Tyler I was thinking of what I could have forgotten for our hike and realized that I had forgotten nothing! It was quite a good feeling. But then I realized that there was still a part of the trip that would not be spent hiking -- driving. It's good to have your driver's license on you when you're road tripping for 7 hours, let alone 12 hours. More on that later though. Basically I realized that I forgot my wallet. So I quickly pressed on the brake to stop the cruise control set at eighty-five and changed it to the sixty-five MPH speed limit. HA! Come now, I don't set my cruise control that far above the speed limit! Ridiculous. But we made it to Pelsor, AR un-pulled over and quite ready to start hiking, but we still had two hours to go. After about 45 minutes of waiting, Nick, Kyle and Drew showed up to take us to the beginning of the trail, two hours away. It was a long drive through windy roads, the first half of which we thought we were lost (but kept going in the hopes that we weren't), with few enough gas stations to excite (worry?)us when we got close to empty. Long story short, they got us to where we wanted to be.
We were both tired, so we decided to camp out that night and start hiking Easter morning. We tried fishing. We failed at fishing. "Neighbor" campers (people in an RV) were kind enough to give us food for dinner and breakfast. Let me know if you want details. So Sunday morning we start hiking. The first two miles suck, so a break was necessary and shorts were put on. We crossed a big river, which was exciting. Then at mile seven we stopped for lunch. Mile seven at lunchtime was making very good time. The last four miles were bad, to say the least. A lot of uphill huffing and puffing. At the end of our first day, we had gone eleven miles and found a cool campsite by a river, so we set up our tent and ran off to hang our bear bags. Bear bags suck. It took us at least an hour to put up two bear bags. TWO. Just to throw a rope over a tree branch and pull it up. SIXTY!! Minutes, I mean. Isn't that ridiculous? It was to us, especially when we were hungry and tired. I get whiny when I'm hungry and tired. Whiny and cranky. Just ask Matt. But, it's amazing how food and Palmer interact so intimately. After I ate my dinner I became myself again. Food became energy. Energy became happiness. Palmer was happy after eating food. Then we sat down and contemplated what we could possibly get rid of from our packs to make them lighter. Forty plus pounds on your back for eleven miles is not cool. I left about 10 of my Snickers behind. Some tuna packets, the two books I brought, a shirt, thermal and some crappy socks. We went to sleep right after sundown, and woke up sometime. A bit after sunrise probably. Ate oatmeal, got our dumb bear bags, and packed up the tent.
The second day we were pacing ourselves quite well, when after eight miles, speeding down a steep and rocky path, Matt sprained his ankle. It was probably my fault. I was in front setting the pace. Either way, we couldn't continue on. We prayed for it, asking God to heal it. Nothing happened. Prayed again because I didn't want to be "ye of little faith," and again, nothing happened. I figured God would surprise us the next morning. Well, He did. Nothing had happened. I can't explain why God didn't heal his ankle. It would have been really cool, and I would have said thank you like my parents taught me to, but He had different plans for us. We slowly hiked back one and a half(ish) miles to a campground we passed. This is where we stayed for three and a half days: http://www.whiterockmountain.com/
Upon arrival at the campground, we asked the lady in charge if campsites were free or not. She said it was ten dollars a night. We didn't have any cash though. But, I had been reading 2nd Thessalonian's the night before, where Paul talks about working so as not to be a burden.
"For you yourselves know how you ought to follow our example. We were not idle when we were with you, nor did we eat anyone's food without paying for it. On the contrary, we worked night and day, laboring and toiling so that we would not be a burden to any of you. We did this, not because we do not have the right to such help, but in order to make ourselves a model for you to follow. For even when we were with you, we gave you this rule: "If a man will not work, he shall not eat." 3:7-10
So I suggested that we offer her our work as payment instead of money. So we sheepishly walked up to her front door, rang the door bell and waited. When she came out, we explained our situation in full and asked if we could work for our campsite to which she replied, "I'm sure I can find something for you guys to do -- I have a lot of sticks in my yard that need to be picked up so that I can mow it." So Matt wobbled around her yard picking up sticks while I hiked back down the trail to get his backpack. When I got back, I helped him finish up stacking wood for her stove inside, and then we went back to our campsite. The next day we cleaned out a few of the campsites fire pits, then worked for five hours splitting logs with her hydraulic log splitter. She fed us pizza that night, and gave us Dr. Pepper. Her name is Paula, by the way. A very nice lady indeed. This was Wednesday night. Then on Thursday morning we were finishing up the rest of the logs when Matt re-sprained his ankle. So we were done for the day. Nick and Walker rescued us the next morning after getting themselves lost for a couple hours in the back roads of Arkansas. To their credit, those roads are pathetically lacking in signs. The ride back to Matt's car was fairly uneventful. We got there, jumped Matt's car because it wasn't turning over, then started the drive to College of the Ozarks in Branson. We were following Nick and Walker for about an hour when their car broke down. It wasn't anything we could fix on the fly, so they hopped in our car and we kept on driving. Upon arrival in Branson, we took the boys to work, showered, ate a dehydrated meal dinner, smoked a pipe, printed out directions to Ryan's house in Ohio -- wait a second. I didn't mention that, did I? Yep, we road tripped to Ohio. I guess it was Thursday night that we called Ryan and asked him if we could come up and stay with him for a few days. He and his parents said yes, so our decision was set in stone. We would drive twelve hours out of our way to see friends. Both Ryan, AND Lauren. If you know me from PNG, you know them; if not, they are part of my best friend clan. They are people that I will be good friends with until one of us dies. So twelve hours and seventy dollars in gas meant little to me. It actually sounded very exciting to drive through the night after being up for an entire day, still without a license. So, around ten at night we started our next journey to Ohio. I drove first again. This is actually relevant, despite its seeming unimportance. Matt stayed up with me while I was driving. Which meant when he was driving, he had been up for a very long time. Supposedly we almost died. I was sleeping, so I didn't really care. It would've been nice to die in my sleep. I guess Matt was falling asleep at the wheel when a cop pulled us over for tailgating. He almost gave me a citation for not wearing my seatbelt in the passenger's seat, but let us both off with a warning. Matt says he doesn't even remember tailgating, or even seeing the cop until he saw the lights in his rear view mirror. So the cop saved our lives? I'm sure God played a big part in that.
Anyways, we got to Sunbury, Ohio fine and reunited with Ryan. We went straight to Tim Horton's about twenty minutes before he got off work, and sat around in the parking lot waiting. While we were sitting there, some girl asked us who we were and said she knew us. Supposedly when we were in Sunbury seven months ago, we met her in the parking lot of Kroger's, and she remembered us? We were too tired to really care.
Basically, I could write for another hour detailing everything we did, but I'm not going to. We jammed, ate, smoked cigars by a lake, hung out with Lauren and hit up the Giant Eagle for free samples. Basically, it was a very good time. We chilled a lot. Then Matt and I drove the sixteen hours back to Tyler, TX. That's about it for now.
I didn't get to kill any bears. I didn't even see one. But I did use my Khukri knife! It chops wood extremely well. It's still dirty from chopping wood, actually. I need to clean it. Nevertheless, I'm happy that I saw Ryan and Lauren and experienced driving for more than 3 hours at a time before I leave for Australia.
That, by the way, is coming up next.
On Saturday, April 3rd, Matt and I embarked on our adventure to Arkansas at about 7:30am. I drove for the first 3 hours, then Matt took over for the next. While I was driving, about an hour out of Tyler I was thinking of what I could have forgotten for our hike and realized that I had forgotten nothing! It was quite a good feeling. But then I realized that there was still a part of the trip that would not be spent hiking -- driving. It's good to have your driver's license on you when you're road tripping for 7 hours, let alone 12 hours. More on that later though. Basically I realized that I forgot my wallet. So I quickly pressed on the brake to stop the cruise control set at eighty-five and changed it to the sixty-five MPH speed limit. HA! Come now, I don't set my cruise control that far above the speed limit! Ridiculous. But we made it to Pelsor, AR un-pulled over and quite ready to start hiking, but we still had two hours to go. After about 45 minutes of waiting, Nick, Kyle and Drew showed up to take us to the beginning of the trail, two hours away. It was a long drive through windy roads, the first half of which we thought we were lost (but kept going in the hopes that we weren't), with few enough gas stations to excite (worry?)us when we got close to empty. Long story short, they got us to where we wanted to be.
We were both tired, so we decided to camp out that night and start hiking Easter morning. We tried fishing. We failed at fishing. "Neighbor" campers (people in an RV) were kind enough to give us food for dinner and breakfast. Let me know if you want details. So Sunday morning we start hiking. The first two miles suck, so a break was necessary and shorts were put on. We crossed a big river, which was exciting. Then at mile seven we stopped for lunch. Mile seven at lunchtime was making very good time. The last four miles were bad, to say the least. A lot of uphill huffing and puffing. At the end of our first day, we had gone eleven miles and found a cool campsite by a river, so we set up our tent and ran off to hang our bear bags. Bear bags suck. It took us at least an hour to put up two bear bags. TWO. Just to throw a rope over a tree branch and pull it up. SIXTY!! Minutes, I mean. Isn't that ridiculous? It was to us, especially when we were hungry and tired. I get whiny when I'm hungry and tired. Whiny and cranky. Just ask Matt. But, it's amazing how food and Palmer interact so intimately. After I ate my dinner I became myself again. Food became energy. Energy became happiness. Palmer was happy after eating food. Then we sat down and contemplated what we could possibly get rid of from our packs to make them lighter. Forty plus pounds on your back for eleven miles is not cool. I left about 10 of my Snickers behind. Some tuna packets, the two books I brought, a shirt, thermal and some crappy socks. We went to sleep right after sundown, and woke up sometime. A bit after sunrise probably. Ate oatmeal, got our dumb bear bags, and packed up the tent.
The second day we were pacing ourselves quite well, when after eight miles, speeding down a steep and rocky path, Matt sprained his ankle. It was probably my fault. I was in front setting the pace. Either way, we couldn't continue on. We prayed for it, asking God to heal it. Nothing happened. Prayed again because I didn't want to be "ye of little faith," and again, nothing happened. I figured God would surprise us the next morning. Well, He did. Nothing had happened. I can't explain why God didn't heal his ankle. It would have been really cool, and I would have said thank you like my parents taught me to, but He had different plans for us. We slowly hiked back one and a half(ish) miles to a campground we passed. This is where we stayed for three and a half days: http://www.whiterockmountain.com/
Upon arrival at the campground, we asked the lady in charge if campsites were free or not. She said it was ten dollars a night. We didn't have any cash though. But, I had been reading 2nd Thessalonian's the night before, where Paul talks about working so as not to be a burden.
"For you yourselves know how you ought to follow our example. We were not idle when we were with you, nor did we eat anyone's food without paying for it. On the contrary, we worked night and day, laboring and toiling so that we would not be a burden to any of you. We did this, not because we do not have the right to such help, but in order to make ourselves a model for you to follow. For even when we were with you, we gave you this rule: "If a man will not work, he shall not eat." 3:7-10
So I suggested that we offer her our work as payment instead of money. So we sheepishly walked up to her front door, rang the door bell and waited. When she came out, we explained our situation in full and asked if we could work for our campsite to which she replied, "I'm sure I can find something for you guys to do -- I have a lot of sticks in my yard that need to be picked up so that I can mow it." So Matt wobbled around her yard picking up sticks while I hiked back down the trail to get his backpack. When I got back, I helped him finish up stacking wood for her stove inside, and then we went back to our campsite. The next day we cleaned out a few of the campsites fire pits, then worked for five hours splitting logs with her hydraulic log splitter. She fed us pizza that night, and gave us Dr. Pepper. Her name is Paula, by the way. A very nice lady indeed. This was Wednesday night. Then on Thursday morning we were finishing up the rest of the logs when Matt re-sprained his ankle. So we were done for the day. Nick and Walker rescued us the next morning after getting themselves lost for a couple hours in the back roads of Arkansas. To their credit, those roads are pathetically lacking in signs. The ride back to Matt's car was fairly uneventful. We got there, jumped Matt's car because it wasn't turning over, then started the drive to College of the Ozarks in Branson. We were following Nick and Walker for about an hour when their car broke down. It wasn't anything we could fix on the fly, so they hopped in our car and we kept on driving. Upon arrival in Branson, we took the boys to work, showered, ate a dehydrated meal dinner, smoked a pipe, printed out directions to Ryan's house in Ohio -- wait a second. I didn't mention that, did I? Yep, we road tripped to Ohio. I guess it was Thursday night that we called Ryan and asked him if we could come up and stay with him for a few days. He and his parents said yes, so our decision was set in stone. We would drive twelve hours out of our way to see friends. Both Ryan, AND Lauren. If you know me from PNG, you know them; if not, they are part of my best friend clan. They are people that I will be good friends with until one of us dies. So twelve hours and seventy dollars in gas meant little to me. It actually sounded very exciting to drive through the night after being up for an entire day, still without a license. So, around ten at night we started our next journey to Ohio. I drove first again. This is actually relevant, despite its seeming unimportance. Matt stayed up with me while I was driving. Which meant when he was driving, he had been up for a very long time. Supposedly we almost died. I was sleeping, so I didn't really care. It would've been nice to die in my sleep. I guess Matt was falling asleep at the wheel when a cop pulled us over for tailgating. He almost gave me a citation for not wearing my seatbelt in the passenger's seat, but let us both off with a warning. Matt says he doesn't even remember tailgating, or even seeing the cop until he saw the lights in his rear view mirror. So the cop saved our lives? I'm sure God played a big part in that.
Anyways, we got to Sunbury, Ohio fine and reunited with Ryan. We went straight to Tim Horton's about twenty minutes before he got off work, and sat around in the parking lot waiting. While we were sitting there, some girl asked us who we were and said she knew us. Supposedly when we were in Sunbury seven months ago, we met her in the parking lot of Kroger's, and she remembered us? We were too tired to really care.
Basically, I could write for another hour detailing everything we did, but I'm not going to. We jammed, ate, smoked cigars by a lake, hung out with Lauren and hit up the Giant Eagle for free samples. Basically, it was a very good time. We chilled a lot. Then Matt and I drove the sixteen hours back to Tyler, TX. That's about it for now.
I didn't get to kill any bears. I didn't even see one. But I did use my Khukri knife! It chops wood extremely well. It's still dirty from chopping wood, actually. I need to clean it. Nevertheless, I'm happy that I saw Ryan and Lauren and experienced driving for more than 3 hours at a time before I leave for Australia.
That, by the way, is coming up next.
Friday, April 2, 2010
Fifth Post
I'm leaving for a little while. My time has come. It's been an adventure, but there's more to come. A winding trail beckons all my attention, and my heart is yearning for a charge; a mission. I've been mostly happy, tears have their place; but now comes the time when I truly seek God's face. No phone to distract me, no Facebook, just nature. A bear to remind me of my wild Creator. Let's ride.
Anyways, I didn't intend to write that. But when I said there's more to come, and it rhymed with... my time has come. DANG IT! I didn't even notice that! I just thought, "hey cool, that rhymed as I read it in my head..."
Whatever, I took five minutes to write it, so it's staying.
We're leaving tomorrow morning at 7:00. Waking up at 5:30 to actually be awake when we drive and check over last minute things -- make sure we have all our food, clothes, and compasses. We also have knives. I'm actually taking my khukri knife that I got in Nepal, simply because I have never had any use for it, and now I want to kill a bear with it. It may not be extremely practical, but I feel really cool with it. It's about a foot long with the curved blade, and it has a cool black leather sheath that looks like it's handmade, because it was. I wear it on my belt -- on my left side, because I'm right handed. Sometimes when no one is watching, I'll take it out of its sheath real quick and hold it up above my head and then slash the air with it a couple times. I really want it to hit something though, because I'm never satisfied using more strength to stop the down stroke than to start it. Also, we each have a one gallon Ziploc bag full of trail mix. I love trail mix. We mixed tropical and indulgent. Tropical has lots of fruit in it, like apricots and papaya and pineapple. And indulgent has chocolate in it -- dark chocolate chips, white chocolate chips, and surprisingly, I'm most excited about the peanut butter chips. I don't know why, but I want those peanut butter chips. I've been exercising great self control in not eating that trail mix. I took one small handful a few days ago, but that's it. We also have 30 Snicker's bars each. I can't wait for the Snicker's. We get to eat two a day; one in the morning, one in the afternoon for two weeks. For some reason I don't think I'll get sick of Snicker's, but we'll see. For dinner's we spent a lot of time dehydrating vegetables and beef. We have individual bagged meals that we have to soak for ten minutes, bring to a boil, and then let sit for another 10 minutes. We tested one out the other night. It had brown rice, mixed veggies, and beef, and it turned out perfect. I'm sure we'll take pictures of all our food while we're eating it. We're those kind of guys.
Enough about food and knives. We'll be on the Ozarks Highlands Trail, starting at Lake Fort Smith, Arkansas and ending at the Fairview trail head, one hundred and twenty five miles away, still in Arkansas. Matt and I know that it will be hard. We have probably overestimated our capabilities, and we'll probably whine and complain a lot about how sore our shoulders are. Our feet will never get sore though, we both have wool socks and lower end hiking boots. But we're prepared to be pathetically unprepared. Mentally, at least. It's a test of our abilities. A battle of wits, nature being our worthy opponent. Who will win?
Honestly, I think we will. We'll make it out alive. We will smell horrible, be exhausted, and probably curse the trail behind us, but accomplishment will cover all of these. It's a mini life until death, really. Though we labor and toil through life, come the end of it, our accomplishment will be immensely rewarding. I look forward to a taste of that -- I believe it will strengthen my resolve to finish. This life holds much more unfinished business.
So, if you think of us, pray for us. I'm not taking these two weeks for granted. They are an amazing opportunity for me to give my undivided attention to God and His voice, and I expect Him to speak to me clearly. I want to come out on the other side stronger in my faith, more confident in the goodness and mercy of Christ, and meekly nearer to His heart.
Expect an awesome post when I get back two weeks from now. Hopefully I'll have many stories of what happened in the physical, as well as what happened spiritually and emotionally. My friend and assistant manager, Christian, thinks that Matt and I could write a small book after these two weeks. Depending on what goes on, we may just do that.
Well, I'm off to eat and then sleep. Stay happy, read Matthew 29 if it exists, and thank God that pooping is enjoyable. Isn't it though? Don't lie, everyone likes it.
Anyways, I didn't intend to write that. But when I said there's more to come, and it rhymed with... my time has come. DANG IT! I didn't even notice that! I just thought, "hey cool, that rhymed as I read it in my head..."
Whatever, I took five minutes to write it, so it's staying.
We're leaving tomorrow morning at 7:00. Waking up at 5:30 to actually be awake when we drive and check over last minute things -- make sure we have all our food, clothes, and compasses. We also have knives. I'm actually taking my khukri knife that I got in Nepal, simply because I have never had any use for it, and now I want to kill a bear with it. It may not be extremely practical, but I feel really cool with it. It's about a foot long with the curved blade, and it has a cool black leather sheath that looks like it's handmade, because it was. I wear it on my belt -- on my left side, because I'm right handed. Sometimes when no one is watching, I'll take it out of its sheath real quick and hold it up above my head and then slash the air with it a couple times. I really want it to hit something though, because I'm never satisfied using more strength to stop the down stroke than to start it. Also, we each have a one gallon Ziploc bag full of trail mix. I love trail mix. We mixed tropical and indulgent. Tropical has lots of fruit in it, like apricots and papaya and pineapple. And indulgent has chocolate in it -- dark chocolate chips, white chocolate chips, and surprisingly, I'm most excited about the peanut butter chips. I don't know why, but I want those peanut butter chips. I've been exercising great self control in not eating that trail mix. I took one small handful a few days ago, but that's it. We also have 30 Snicker's bars each. I can't wait for the Snicker's. We get to eat two a day; one in the morning, one in the afternoon for two weeks. For some reason I don't think I'll get sick of Snicker's, but we'll see. For dinner's we spent a lot of time dehydrating vegetables and beef. We have individual bagged meals that we have to soak for ten minutes, bring to a boil, and then let sit for another 10 minutes. We tested one out the other night. It had brown rice, mixed veggies, and beef, and it turned out perfect. I'm sure we'll take pictures of all our food while we're eating it. We're those kind of guys.
Enough about food and knives. We'll be on the Ozarks Highlands Trail, starting at Lake Fort Smith, Arkansas and ending at the Fairview trail head, one hundred and twenty five miles away, still in Arkansas. Matt and I know that it will be hard. We have probably overestimated our capabilities, and we'll probably whine and complain a lot about how sore our shoulders are. Our feet will never get sore though, we both have wool socks and lower end hiking boots. But we're prepared to be pathetically unprepared. Mentally, at least. It's a test of our abilities. A battle of wits, nature being our worthy opponent. Who will win?
Honestly, I think we will. We'll make it out alive. We will smell horrible, be exhausted, and probably curse the trail behind us, but accomplishment will cover all of these. It's a mini life until death, really. Though we labor and toil through life, come the end of it, our accomplishment will be immensely rewarding. I look forward to a taste of that -- I believe it will strengthen my resolve to finish. This life holds much more unfinished business.
So, if you think of us, pray for us. I'm not taking these two weeks for granted. They are an amazing opportunity for me to give my undivided attention to God and His voice, and I expect Him to speak to me clearly. I want to come out on the other side stronger in my faith, more confident in the goodness and mercy of Christ, and meekly nearer to His heart.
Expect an awesome post when I get back two weeks from now. Hopefully I'll have many stories of what happened in the physical, as well as what happened spiritually and emotionally. My friend and assistant manager, Christian, thinks that Matt and I could write a small book after these two weeks. Depending on what goes on, we may just do that.
Well, I'm off to eat and then sleep. Stay happy, read Matthew 29 if it exists, and thank God that pooping is enjoyable. Isn't it though? Don't lie, everyone likes it.
Thursday, April 1, 2010
Fourth Post
I know, I know. I need cooler titles for my entries, but I'm not that creative. I use enough brain energy writing anything in the first place. That's why this post is going to suck! Because I'm going to use little to no brain energy to write it. I might even asldkja;slkjfja; alfkjas fls;flj aeiopqwcnmalskf asljasfa.sjvo;qpofiutrewrt02873098 982e90r8092 8.a02u9r42tug vcnz/>JJF;IAUFEYU897T709UIJ
Well, that was freeing. Liberating even. I was just laying in bed, trying to get to sleep, and I was thinking about how much time I spend on this computer. Too much. I thought of how circumstance unquestionably influences my need for this computer. While I was in my DTS, I did not worry about not having been on Facebook for the day, or not checking my email in the last 6 hours. It was beautiful. In Ireland I rarely got on a computer, and if I did it was only for 30 minutes or less.
I was absolutely fine.
Why do I "need" these cyber social outlets so much?? Is it a need for community? Is it legitimate, or just an addiction? Let's be honest, it is an addiction. I won't try to justify it at all. I do have an abnormally strong craving for Facebook and as psychologically pathetic that may sound, it is true. But the reason I say that circumstance unquestionably influences this addiction is because I know that when I am tromping through the wilderness three days from now, no technology but a cell phone for emergency, I will not care about getting on Facebook or checking my Gmail. It will be me, Matt, God and our backpacks. The beauty of creation surrounding us, and the thrill of fighting black bears as they attack us from every angle. I'm terribly excited to fight and defeat a black bear. Please, Jesus.
Anyways, I got a little sidetracked with the bear fighting dreams. Think about your situation for a second. What is the real reason you get on Facebook? Is it to healthily socialize with your friends, or to live off of other people's lives like a leech? I know that far too often I scroll through the homepage, looking at all of the boring statuses, waiting for one that interests me for more than a second so that I can click on that profile and suck satisfaction from a computer screen. That's not how I'm meant to work. I was created for a reason, with a plan for my life that would be wild, great, and full of my Father in Heaven. My satisfaction does not come from Facebook activity or how many emails I get in one day! How absurd!
So get off of Facebook, go outside, and breathe in life. Take a walk, go for a jog, ride your bike, cruise with the windows open, run around in circles screaming, do something that makes you feel alive! Don't settle for less. Give your heart a reason to beat!
Well, that was freeing. Liberating even. I was just laying in bed, trying to get to sleep, and I was thinking about how much time I spend on this computer. Too much. I thought of how circumstance unquestionably influences my need for this computer. While I was in my DTS, I did not worry about not having been on Facebook for the day, or not checking my email in the last 6 hours. It was beautiful. In Ireland I rarely got on a computer, and if I did it was only for 30 minutes or less.
I was absolutely fine.
Why do I "need" these cyber social outlets so much?? Is it a need for community? Is it legitimate, or just an addiction? Let's be honest, it is an addiction. I won't try to justify it at all. I do have an abnormally strong craving for Facebook and as psychologically pathetic that may sound, it is true. But the reason I say that circumstance unquestionably influences this addiction is because I know that when I am tromping through the wilderness three days from now, no technology but a cell phone for emergency, I will not care about getting on Facebook or checking my Gmail. It will be me, Matt, God and our backpacks. The beauty of creation surrounding us, and the thrill of fighting black bears as they attack us from every angle. I'm terribly excited to fight and defeat a black bear. Please, Jesus.
Anyways, I got a little sidetracked with the bear fighting dreams. Think about your situation for a second. What is the real reason you get on Facebook? Is it to healthily socialize with your friends, or to live off of other people's lives like a leech? I know that far too often I scroll through the homepage, looking at all of the boring statuses, waiting for one that interests me for more than a second so that I can click on that profile and suck satisfaction from a computer screen. That's not how I'm meant to work. I was created for a reason, with a plan for my life that would be wild, great, and full of my Father in Heaven. My satisfaction does not come from Facebook activity or how many emails I get in one day! How absurd!
So get off of Facebook, go outside, and breathe in life. Take a walk, go for a jog, ride your bike, cruise with the windows open, run around in circles screaming, do something that makes you feel alive! Don't settle for less. Give your heart a reason to beat!
Saturday, March 27, 2010
Third Post
So I've been living life. I struggle with finding purpose. I know purpose, but it is different to feel purpose. Maybe what I really mean is fulfillment, not just purpose. Every now and again, I pray for God to show me how to be truly fulfilled; in Him, in what I do every day, in loving others, in serving others, in falling in love with Jesus.
But I don't feel like I'm falling in love with Jesus. I'm just falling in love with feeling fulfilled. Is that bad? Well... it's iffy, but for truth's sake I'll say yes --it is bad when it comes down to what I really mean.
I mean that I just want to feel good, all the time. I don't want to wake up and have to deal with my own bad attitude. I don't want to think a lustful thought, or act out of pride and selfishness. I just want to be perfect. I want to feel perfect, and be saved by my own perfection, which would make me feel really good. But if I were perfect, Jesus would be nothing to me but a mere acquaintance. I might even create a paradox by becoming really prideful out of my perfection, and then try to climb above Jesus' throne so I could be most high. I would be Satan.
I don't want to be perfect anymore. Not until Jesus is the one who makes me perfect, rather than myself. I mean like when I go to heaven. I think heaven will be nice.
Something that God revealed to Paul was not to set aside His grace. God has been revealing that to me as well.
"I do not set aside the grace of God, for if righteousness could be gained through the law, Christ died for nothing!" Galatians 2:21
So, back to falling in love with Jesus. I really want to. But maybe, just maybe I have a skewed perspective of what love really is. Is love a feeling? Yes, but not all the time. Love itself is not made up of feeling. If I think it is, I will be a terrible husband. Is love a choice? That sounds a little better. My choice to walk in grace, to take time alone with Jesus (if only 20 minutes a day), to love others, to serve others... I think even choosing to believe that I am loved will lead me towards falling in love. It's the revelation of God's love for us that changes us. I pray that Jesus continues to reveal His love to me. I pray that Jesus would reveal His love to you as well. Maybe you don't realize that you even need His love. It sounds mushy and gay if you're a guy. But Jesus' love is different. For some reason I can accept it as pure and cool.
Jesus' love is cool.
But I don't feel like I'm falling in love with Jesus. I'm just falling in love with feeling fulfilled. Is that bad? Well... it's iffy, but for truth's sake I'll say yes --it is bad when it comes down to what I really mean.
I mean that I just want to feel good, all the time. I don't want to wake up and have to deal with my own bad attitude. I don't want to think a lustful thought, or act out of pride and selfishness. I just want to be perfect. I want to feel perfect, and be saved by my own perfection, which would make me feel really good. But if I were perfect, Jesus would be nothing to me but a mere acquaintance. I might even create a paradox by becoming really prideful out of my perfection, and then try to climb above Jesus' throne so I could be most high. I would be Satan.
I don't want to be perfect anymore. Not until Jesus is the one who makes me perfect, rather than myself. I mean like when I go to heaven. I think heaven will be nice.
Something that God revealed to Paul was not to set aside His grace. God has been revealing that to me as well.
"I do not set aside the grace of God, for if righteousness could be gained through the law, Christ died for nothing!" Galatians 2:21
So, back to falling in love with Jesus. I really want to. But maybe, just maybe I have a skewed perspective of what love really is. Is love a feeling? Yes, but not all the time. Love itself is not made up of feeling. If I think it is, I will be a terrible husband. Is love a choice? That sounds a little better. My choice to walk in grace, to take time alone with Jesus (if only 20 minutes a day), to love others, to serve others... I think even choosing to believe that I am loved will lead me towards falling in love. It's the revelation of God's love for us that changes us. I pray that Jesus continues to reveal His love to me. I pray that Jesus would reveal His love to you as well. Maybe you don't realize that you even need His love. It sounds mushy and gay if you're a guy. But Jesus' love is different. For some reason I can accept it as pure and cool.
Jesus' love is cool.
Thursday, March 25, 2010
So much adventure...
I decided that my first post didn't deserve the merit of holding any information of quality or quantity since it seems rude of me to plunge into the blogging world, all full of myself thinking that I have the right to long, creatively informative stories of what I am doing with my life! Therefore, my first ever "blog post" was a sacrifice made unto the blogging community as a sign of good intention and peaceful relations.
On to my second, more interesting post.
I am currently employed at Mazzio's Pizza on Front St. as a cook. I make pizza, pasta, sandwiches, calzones, hot wings, and assorted fried foods. I also clean. Everyone there knows that I clean. If they walk in and see a clean make table before they see me, they know who is cooking that night. I like that. My reputation at Mazzio's is that of a clean freak. Not a bad thing for an employee at a licensed restaurant, right? I don't let it interfere (too much) with the quality and efficiency of my work. Sometimes I could be rolling out more dough, or filling up the pepperoni, but one thing that my mother taught me, and that I never truly learned until living in a one room apartment with two other guys, (or was it living with 16 other people in Ireland?) is that a clean kitchen is a happy kitchen. So I keep it clean. But this really only feels like a transitional period for me. I have plans for the near future -- big plans for an eighteen year old who has never made big plans like these big plans that I am making. There is a major maturing process involved in making big plans. I think God is dealing well with my whiny, infantile attitudes that show themselves every now and then. Most of the time He just ignores me. Or maybe that's just how I perceive it when I'm in my whiny, infantile state of mind. Looking back over the weeks, I think He's actually been lovingly teaching me patience and perseverance. Oh, and faith of course, He's always teaching me faith.
Patience. A lot of things aren't happening as fast as I think they ought to; but if they ought to happen, then God's timing will let them happen whenever is best, so I'll wait it out, which leads me to perseverance. I could just give up on this big plan that I obviously can't do on my own, and do something else I want to do that I probably can achieve on my own. But if I'm outside of God's good and perfect will, I most likely won't be as happy as I would be if I were inside of it. So I'll persevere, because Jesus persevered life on this earth and death on a cross so that I can live life abundantly. And I think God's plan is abundant living. So I'll have faith that God is good, and that my patience and perseverance will not be in vain. And they are not in vain, because I have learnt patience and perseverance from my... patience and... perseverance... huh?
On to my second, more interesting post.
I am currently employed at Mazzio's Pizza on Front St. as a cook. I make pizza, pasta, sandwiches, calzones, hot wings, and assorted fried foods. I also clean. Everyone there knows that I clean. If they walk in and see a clean make table before they see me, they know who is cooking that night. I like that. My reputation at Mazzio's is that of a clean freak. Not a bad thing for an employee at a licensed restaurant, right? I don't let it interfere (too much) with the quality and efficiency of my work. Sometimes I could be rolling out more dough, or filling up the pepperoni, but one thing that my mother taught me, and that I never truly learned until living in a one room apartment with two other guys, (or was it living with 16 other people in Ireland?) is that a clean kitchen is a happy kitchen. So I keep it clean. But this really only feels like a transitional period for me. I have plans for the near future -- big plans for an eighteen year old who has never made big plans like these big plans that I am making. There is a major maturing process involved in making big plans. I think God is dealing well with my whiny, infantile attitudes that show themselves every now and then. Most of the time He just ignores me. Or maybe that's just how I perceive it when I'm in my whiny, infantile state of mind. Looking back over the weeks, I think He's actually been lovingly teaching me patience and perseverance. Oh, and faith of course, He's always teaching me faith.
Patience. A lot of things aren't happening as fast as I think they ought to; but if they ought to happen, then God's timing will let them happen whenever is best, so I'll wait it out, which leads me to perseverance. I could just give up on this big plan that I obviously can't do on my own, and do something else I want to do that I probably can achieve on my own. But if I'm outside of God's good and perfect will, I most likely won't be as happy as I would be if I were inside of it. So I'll persevere, because Jesus persevered life on this earth and death on a cross so that I can live life abundantly. And I think God's plan is abundant living. So I'll have faith that God is good, and that my patience and perseverance will not be in vain. And they are not in vain, because I have learnt patience and perseverance from my... patience and... perseverance... huh?
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