Friday, June 17, 2011
Back in Texas
The past two months have been wild. I feel as though I've shifted from a faithful servant of Christ to a struggling skeptic of the Bible. It has been crucial to my faith, and it is not yet reconciled. It has shocked most people whom I've told, but I'm not alive to be pretentious, I'm here to find truth that doesn't hinge on how I feel at one time or another. I came to a point where I could not reasonably explain why I believe in the Bible, in its inerrancy and completion, in it being the divinely inspired Word of God. I had been believing on the basis of feeling, and when I began to feel bad more and more, I realized that I needed something more concrete, something that would transcend my own emotions and stay solid in the face of adversity. That is the quest I embarked on, and while it has rendered me hopeless and confused at times, there has been an undercurrent of motivation that keeps me searching for this absolute truth.
Tuesday, March 29, 2011
January 17, 2011 -- 12:47am
Sitting in a small white room can be introspectively eye opening. With a lack of color comes a certain preoccupation with self. A realization of how corruptible man is demands immediate and sincere surrender unto Christ. Frailty is the nature of man. Strength belongs to Jesus Christ alone.
All too often, I make demands of myself that I am unable to meet. I demand honesty and purity, humility and kindness, self control and love. I achieve no sincere accomplishment of such noble traits. I am given over to passion. A day does not go by where I abstain from lies or lust, pride or vain ambition. Each and every waking moment forms a pattern, a story dependent upon my decision in any given situation.
Will I surrender to Christ, or live in my own strength?
All too often, I make demands of myself that I am unable to meet. I demand honesty and purity, humility and kindness, self control and love. I achieve no sincere accomplishment of such noble traits. I am given over to passion. A day does not go by where I abstain from lies or lust, pride or vain ambition. Each and every waking moment forms a pattern, a story dependent upon my decision in any given situation.
Will I surrender to Christ, or live in my own strength?
Monday, March 7, 2011
How Could I Express
With few words, there's little to say; an impostor is making his way inside. Well, there's not much to say but the same thing over and over again, I've done it again, and again, and again so much that I no longer call it sin; rather, personality. Realistically, I cannot express what I desire, because I desire death, it's obvious, or I wouldn't do it again. Or is it? Is this what it seems, or am I just deceived; I believe in satisfaction, yet I never find myself satisfied with what I see, just enough to keep me slaked. I am incredibly inane, indelibly insane of my own; thank God it's not just me. In a moment of weakness I think that I am my own, but in your grace I belong to something greater, your strength I seek to keep my feet from falling off the planet of my own means, I mean to die; stay OUT of the temple, where you don't belong! I am not my own, I am bought at a price, so leave God with his devices and he will satisfy! Our thoughts alive with life, love and lascivious intentions; give me what I want, everything in the kingdom will be mine if I will worship you!
NO, I refuse, I refuse to be aligned with you, I beseech intervention!
Lord, I know I am not and you are, please make me to know who you truly are. Rescue me from death, save me from the grave! How do I glorify if I am not glorious; no, I cannot glorify, but you can use me how you want. Do it yourself! for I am unable to with my small will.
NO, I refuse, I refuse to be aligned with you, I beseech intervention!
Lord, I know I am not and you are, please make me to know who you truly are. Rescue me from death, save me from the grave! How do I glorify if I am not glorious; no, I cannot glorify, but you can use me how you want. Do it yourself! for I am unable to with my small will.
Tuesday, February 8, 2011
A Faze In My Life
Am I crazy and demented or psychotic?
Maybe everyone's a bit like this; I'm normal then... I'm normal, then!
Could I just be normal like everyone else?
Fear in facets, we're afraid to be alone and alone cause we're afraid.
Am I holding on to life itself, or living recklessly?
I am absolutely, irrevocably, inconsolably unhinged. I am failing at the basics, yet I expect A's on pieces of paper.
Life screams to be noticed, beckons to be taken seriously.
I need to take life seriously.
Don't hold me back, I can do it myself, and I'll damage this relationship.
It's two, and I can guess who.
Holding back to keep you sane, I've saved you from a fiend.
My love is real to me, but maybe not to you. I never want you to know who I am.
I am the epitome of disaster.
Heart, mind, and emotion overlaps in the case of blowing situations out of proportion.
Irrational thoughts are natural for me.
Who am I?
Maybe everyone's a bit like this; I'm normal then... I'm normal, then!
Could I just be normal like everyone else?
Fear in facets, we're afraid to be alone and alone cause we're afraid.
Am I holding on to life itself, or living recklessly?
I am absolutely, irrevocably, inconsolably unhinged. I am failing at the basics, yet I expect A's on pieces of paper.
Life screams to be noticed, beckons to be taken seriously.
I need to take life seriously.
Don't hold me back, I can do it myself, and I'll damage this relationship.
It's two, and I can guess who.
Holding back to keep you sane, I've saved you from a fiend.
My love is real to me, but maybe not to you. I never want you to know who I am.
I am the epitome of disaster.
Heart, mind, and emotion overlaps in the case of blowing situations out of proportion.
Irrational thoughts are natural for me.
Who am I?
Sunday, January 30, 2011
We Are Who We Are
Thoughts of who I once was hold me back from becoming who I'm meant to be. As the millstone around my neck keeping me from moving forward, my past is always there.
I reflect on how I used to be nearer to God than I am now. A time when I was able to worship freely, speak sincerely. I strove to be a better man, whereas now I seem to forget that I'm trying. I sang until I cried, and bitterly wept in honest repentance before the Lord; a David worshiper. Allow me to use my life as an example, as I lay out the differences between now and then.
The times when I was sincerely trying and humbly growing in faith were the times when I set realistic and uncompromising boundaries in my life. I set apart time every day to be with the Lord in private, and made efforts to use my talents to worship him. Letting go of pride and fighting an introverted personality, I sought fellowship with those who could encourage me. Difficulties came, yet I was not crushed, and I followed the way that he made for me.
The times when I have felt abandoned and ashamed were the times when I tried unrealistic and futile methods to change my life to be like Christ. This led to feelings of failure that dug me deeper into a pit of self pity and sin that never seemed to end. Gradual decline in the time that I spent with God added to my guilt, while numerous transgressions in minutes, even seconds, fueled the belief of a limit to forgiveness. Succumbing to fear and judgement, I rejected the need for others to encourage me. I am this person.
I know now that I need simple honesty. I must ask myself honest questions, and give honest answers. Am I who I used to be, a man after God's own heart? Or have I strayed away, allowing fraudulence, impulse, and fear to drive my life?
Let us stop looking back to who we used to be, trying to be them again. Instead, let us face the facts of who we are at this moment and keep our gaze on Christ, our Lord and Savior, Author and Perfecter of faith, Redeemer of Mankind, who knows our struggle and empathizes with our pain.
Let us read the Scripture's that we've been too prideful to read, thinking we already know the truth they express, and take them to heart as if they were new to us.
Let us step out in humility, and ask others for help.
Whether for good or bad, we are who we are, not who we used to be.
I reflect on how I used to be nearer to God than I am now. A time when I was able to worship freely, speak sincerely. I strove to be a better man, whereas now I seem to forget that I'm trying. I sang until I cried, and bitterly wept in honest repentance before the Lord; a David worshiper. Allow me to use my life as an example, as I lay out the differences between now and then.
The times when I was sincerely trying and humbly growing in faith were the times when I set realistic and uncompromising boundaries in my life. I set apart time every day to be with the Lord in private, and made efforts to use my talents to worship him. Letting go of pride and fighting an introverted personality, I sought fellowship with those who could encourage me. Difficulties came, yet I was not crushed, and I followed the way that he made for me.
The times when I have felt abandoned and ashamed were the times when I tried unrealistic and futile methods to change my life to be like Christ. This led to feelings of failure that dug me deeper into a pit of self pity and sin that never seemed to end. Gradual decline in the time that I spent with God added to my guilt, while numerous transgressions in minutes, even seconds, fueled the belief of a limit to forgiveness. Succumbing to fear and judgement, I rejected the need for others to encourage me. I am this person.
I know now that I need simple honesty. I must ask myself honest questions, and give honest answers. Am I who I used to be, a man after God's own heart? Or have I strayed away, allowing fraudulence, impulse, and fear to drive my life?
Let us stop looking back to who we used to be, trying to be them again. Instead, let us face the facts of who we are at this moment and keep our gaze on Christ, our Lord and Savior, Author and Perfecter of faith, Redeemer of Mankind, who knows our struggle and empathizes with our pain.
Let us read the Scripture's that we've been too prideful to read, thinking we already know the truth they express, and take them to heart as if they were new to us.
Let us step out in humility, and ask others for help.
Whether for good or bad, we are who we are, not who we used to be.
Thursday, November 25, 2010
Twenty Three -- Back on the internet.
"Be still and know that I am God."
Talk less, listen more. The word of the Lord stands forever, not the words of man. I only want to say something if the Lord approves of what I say. Challenging.
Talk less, listen more. The word of the Lord stands forever, not the words of man. I only want to say something if the Lord approves of what I say. Challenging.
Wednesday, September 1, 2010
Twenty Two -- Done with the ship.
My commitment with the M/V Pacific Link is finished. It's not exactly an exciting thing in and of itself, but it's necessary, and I am excited to keep moving forward with God. I made many friends along the way, learned a lot of random knowledge, and found out more about what makes my heart beat.
Something that came up a few times is adaptability. I enjoy doing many different jobs rather than being stuck in just one thing. I love to learn whatever I can learn, and I made a point to do that in the areas I worked in. Well, kind of. Many times I complained and pouted when I wasn't feeling up to par but still had to work, so that may have robbed me of some things I could have learnt. No regrets, right? All that aside, a ship was a great place for adaptability. I miss the challenges. I told my mom that I'd rather be challenged and hate it than be relaxed and bored. The first day I was back here in Brisbane, I was bored. I am high maintenance, even for myself.
One thing I feel a hint of is the challenge from God to be full on for Him. I went through the same thing in my DTS, just in a different context. He challenged me then to be one hundred percent in my search for Him, and now He's challenging me to be one hundred percent in my service to Him and others, as well as in my search. It's a big challenge, and one I'd like to start taking seriously.
One day I was asked to do a quick testimony/thought for morning devotions in our clinic group the next morning. It's a semi funny story actually. Around eight that night, I was taking a shower and remembered that I had nothing for tomorrow morning. So I quickly, and jokingly, asked God to give me an idea right there in the shower. But then my nose started hurting and I got really distracted with trying to make it better, then the 'one minute of water left' beeper went off and I had soap all over me -- but my nose was so distracting.
I had it - God had given me an idea, and I would call it "Distracted by Pain" . I made the analogy that pain is like sin. The water signifies what God has put before us to use, and the soap is whoever we are affecting or meant to affect. Most of the time we're so caught up with our sins that we forget our time is transient, and at the end of either a two week missions trip or the end of our life, we regret that we didn't make better use of the time. I could have kept worrying about my nose and not had any water left. But I ended up ignoring my nose, and washed the soap off in time. I then related the distraction directly to self control. Without it, we can't fully grasp on to what God has for us, because we'll ultimately be controlled by sinful desire. I found Proverbs 25:28, which says this. "A man without self-control is like a city broken into and left without walls." So true. One compromise, then two, then three, and soon the walls are completely gone and the city is free to be attacked and ravaged by the enemy. Self control keeps us in God's Word, it keeps us from compromise, and by God's Grace gets us up out of the pit when it doesn't keep us from compromise. Self control works together with the Holy Spirit and the Blood of Christ to form a tight bond of intimacy, relationship, and forgiveness. Frankly, I need more self control in my life. I'm constantly rebuilding the walls because the enemy is constantly prowling around like a roaring lion, attacking and devouring. It's time to stop compromising.
Something that came up a few times is adaptability. I enjoy doing many different jobs rather than being stuck in just one thing. I love to learn whatever I can learn, and I made a point to do that in the areas I worked in. Well, kind of. Many times I complained and pouted when I wasn't feeling up to par but still had to work, so that may have robbed me of some things I could have learnt. No regrets, right? All that aside, a ship was a great place for adaptability. I miss the challenges. I told my mom that I'd rather be challenged and hate it than be relaxed and bored. The first day I was back here in Brisbane, I was bored. I am high maintenance, even for myself.
One thing I feel a hint of is the challenge from God to be full on for Him. I went through the same thing in my DTS, just in a different context. He challenged me then to be one hundred percent in my search for Him, and now He's challenging me to be one hundred percent in my service to Him and others, as well as in my search. It's a big challenge, and one I'd like to start taking seriously.
One day I was asked to do a quick testimony/thought for morning devotions in our clinic group the next morning. It's a semi funny story actually. Around eight that night, I was taking a shower and remembered that I had nothing for tomorrow morning. So I quickly, and jokingly, asked God to give me an idea right there in the shower. But then my nose started hurting and I got really distracted with trying to make it better, then the 'one minute of water left' beeper went off and I had soap all over me -- but my nose was so distracting.
I had it - God had given me an idea, and I would call it "Distracted by Pain" . I made the analogy that pain is like sin. The water signifies what God has put before us to use, and the soap is whoever we are affecting or meant to affect. Most of the time we're so caught up with our sins that we forget our time is transient, and at the end of either a two week missions trip or the end of our life, we regret that we didn't make better use of the time. I could have kept worrying about my nose and not had any water left. But I ended up ignoring my nose, and washed the soap off in time. I then related the distraction directly to self control. Without it, we can't fully grasp on to what God has for us, because we'll ultimately be controlled by sinful desire. I found Proverbs 25:28, which says this. "A man without self-control is like a city broken into and left without walls." So true. One compromise, then two, then three, and soon the walls are completely gone and the city is free to be attacked and ravaged by the enemy. Self control keeps us in God's Word, it keeps us from compromise, and by God's Grace gets us up out of the pit when it doesn't keep us from compromise. Self control works together with the Holy Spirit and the Blood of Christ to form a tight bond of intimacy, relationship, and forgiveness. Frankly, I need more self control in my life. I'm constantly rebuilding the walls because the enemy is constantly prowling around like a roaring lion, attacking and devouring. It's time to stop compromising.
Wednesday, July 28, 2010
Twenty One
I've been itching to write something on my blog, but obviously not writing anything. I've been trying to think of something worth your time, but not coming up with much. I've been vying to catch your attention and impress you with my life, but nothing is impressive. We visited a youth group here on Thursday Island a few nights ago, and I stood up in front of ten or fifteen people, and told them I was weak, which was the most liberating thing I've done lately.
I won't impress you with my stories. If I feign nothing, I am a perfectly dreadful person. I don't like how my attitudes affect me. They seep so far down that they seem to corrupt my faith. I know God is gracious, but what when I'm not gracious to myself?
This has been my struggle lately, staring back at the reality of my imperfect life. It's a pride shattering battle, filled with many tears and few words of relevance. When I try to think of Jesus rather than myself, I think of myself. I think of how bad I am at thinking of Jesus rather than myself.
I realize this is all rather depressing, but sometimes I have a taste for honesty rather than beauty. Pray with me (or in all honesty, more often for me as I can't always find the heart to pray for myself) that God might transform the ugliness of my attitudes, and break the addiction I have with sulking in my imperfection, to the glory and honor of His name.
I won't impress you with my stories. If I feign nothing, I am a perfectly dreadful person. I don't like how my attitudes affect me. They seep so far down that they seem to corrupt my faith. I know God is gracious, but what when I'm not gracious to myself?
This has been my struggle lately, staring back at the reality of my imperfect life. It's a pride shattering battle, filled with many tears and few words of relevance. When I try to think of Jesus rather than myself, I think of myself. I think of how bad I am at thinking of Jesus rather than myself.
I realize this is all rather depressing, but sometimes I have a taste for honesty rather than beauty. Pray with me (or in all honesty, more often for me as I can't always find the heart to pray for myself) that God might transform the ugliness of my attitudes, and break the addiction I have with sulking in my imperfection, to the glory and honor of His name.
Friday, July 9, 2010
Twentieth Post
I don't really have an intro paragraph.
What if I didn't strive for righteousness? It sounds ridiculous, but that's what God is. The attraction is in the absurdity. "Very rarely will anyone die for a righteous man, though for a good man someone might possibly dare to die. But God demonstrates his own love for us in this: While we were still sinners, Christ died for us." (Romans 5:7-8) First off, "very rarely," secondly, "might possibly dare to die" for good, lovable people. But as absurdity would have it, Jesus willingly died for highly unlovable, unloving people.
Like I said, the attraction is in the absurdity; especially when I realize that, all facades aside, I am a highly unlovable and unloving person.
When I take righteousness into my own hands, I assume the role of Jesus. I steal from God his ability and power to change my life. That places me in the position of savior. It's a futile position, as guilty as I am.
I'm tired of trying to be good. I want to live life in all truth and reality. I want to stop worrying about my morality, and start living as if I'm alive. This is what God's grace does to me.
What if I didn't strive for righteousness? It sounds ridiculous, but that's what God is. The attraction is in the absurdity. "Very rarely will anyone die for a righteous man, though for a good man someone might possibly dare to die. But God demonstrates his own love for us in this: While we were still sinners, Christ died for us." (Romans 5:7-8) First off, "very rarely," secondly, "might possibly dare to die" for good, lovable people. But as absurdity would have it, Jesus willingly died for highly unlovable, unloving people.
Like I said, the attraction is in the absurdity; especially when I realize that, all facades aside, I am a highly unlovable and unloving person.
When I take righteousness into my own hands, I assume the role of Jesus. I steal from God his ability and power to change my life. That places me in the position of savior. It's a futile position, as guilty as I am.
I'm tired of trying to be good. I want to live life in all truth and reality. I want to stop worrying about my morality, and start living as if I'm alive. This is what God's grace does to me.
Thursday, July 1, 2010
Nineteenth Post -- Meeeh
I am hardwired to go. GOGOGOGOGOGOGOGOGOGO. GOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO.
"Don't stop, moo-ooo-ven"
There is simply too much energy in this skinny little frame of mine to stop moving. When I do stop for an extended period of time, I get unenergetic. I also really like people. I'm kind of a people person, actually. I'm still pretty socially awkward at times, but with great practice, I've gotten better. I actually said "Hi, how are you?" to the lady who sat down next to me on the plane. She even had a book! That's ALWAYS a sign to shut up. But she was very kind, and we had a decent sized conversation about what we both were currently doing with our lives. It was quite a milestone. Then there was a guy carrying an electric guitar, and I asked him what it was, and we talked for a few minutes whilst walking.
It's almost as if when I talk to people, they talk back. An astounding discovery, and a courageous step in the right direction. I think I'll try to talk to people more often.
http://donmilleris.com/2010/06/14/the-stuff-of-good-friendships/
"Don't stop, moo-ooo-ven"
There is simply too much energy in this skinny little frame of mine to stop moving. When I do stop for an extended period of time, I get unenergetic. I also really like people. I'm kind of a people person, actually. I'm still pretty socially awkward at times, but with great practice, I've gotten better. I actually said "Hi, how are you?" to the lady who sat down next to me on the plane. She even had a book! That's ALWAYS a sign to shut up. But she was very kind, and we had a decent sized conversation about what we both were currently doing with our lives. It was quite a milestone. Then there was a guy carrying an electric guitar, and I asked him what it was, and we talked for a few minutes whilst walking.
It's almost as if when I talk to people, they talk back. An astounding discovery, and a courageous step in the right direction. I think I'll try to talk to people more often.
http://donmilleris.com/2010/06/14/the-stuff-of-good-friendships/
Tuesday, June 29, 2010
Eighteenth Post
I'm in Brisbane now! Just for two weeks, then I'll fly back up to Townsville and get on the ship again to continue on up to Cairns, then Thursday Island, then PNG.
Wow, how fast time goes by. It reminds me of a verse I just read this morning, in Ephesians 5:15-16 that says "Look carefully then how you walk, not as unwise but as wise, making the best use of the time, because the days are evil." The past few days God has really been putting it onto my heart to walk by the Spirit (Galatians 5:25). To walk in the Spirit, talk in the Spirit, be led by the Spirit. Because the Spirit leads us in God's will; he cannot lead us away from God, nor can he lead us to do anything to hinder God's Kingdom. Jesus said it Himself in Mark 3:24: "If a kingdom is divided against itself, that kingdom cannot stand." He was specifically speaking of the kingdom of darkness, conceding that he could not be possessed by Satan, for if he were, then he could not cast out other demons. It applies to the Kingdom of God as well. If we walk by the Spirit, we are guaranteed to further the Kingdom of God. What is the Kingdom of God made up of? Love, joy, peace, patience, kindness, goodness, faithfulness, gentleness, self-control. What is the fruit of the Spirit, or more specifically, walking by the Spirit? Love, joy, peace, patience, kindness, goodness, faithfulness, gentleness, self-control. It makes so much sense to walk by the Spirit! Especially since I already DO live by the Spirit. I have been baptized into Him.
There are a couple things that God has pointed out for me in the past eight or nine months. One, I am made to worship. I have been given the talents to worship as well. Two, I am made to walk in the Spirit. Radically, passionately, zealously. I've been given the personality to do that. A few words spoken over me recently point to this. Walking in the Spirit is exciting! Isn't it? So I'm striving to do just that, and in so doing God will continue to transform me from the inside out.
I've made quite a few friends on the ship, some of whom are just on their DTS outreach, so they'll be leaving soon, which is sad. But my life has been filled with goodbyes, and I have found out that the best thing to do is just cry and then continue seeking God and His will for me. Which is what I'm doing right now, for my long term future. I have a plan, but I'm really praying for clear direction.
So, if you decide you want to intercede for me, pray that I would continue to walk in the Spirit, and that God would give me clear direction for what to do over the next year, and then some. Peace out!
Wow, how fast time goes by. It reminds me of a verse I just read this morning, in Ephesians 5:15-16 that says "Look carefully then how you walk, not as unwise but as wise, making the best use of the time, because the days are evil." The past few days God has really been putting it onto my heart to walk by the Spirit (Galatians 5:25). To walk in the Spirit, talk in the Spirit, be led by the Spirit. Because the Spirit leads us in God's will; he cannot lead us away from God, nor can he lead us to do anything to hinder God's Kingdom. Jesus said it Himself in Mark 3:24: "If a kingdom is divided against itself, that kingdom cannot stand." He was specifically speaking of the kingdom of darkness, conceding that he could not be possessed by Satan, for if he were, then he could not cast out other demons. It applies to the Kingdom of God as well. If we walk by the Spirit, we are guaranteed to further the Kingdom of God. What is the Kingdom of God made up of? Love, joy, peace, patience, kindness, goodness, faithfulness, gentleness, self-control. What is the fruit of the Spirit, or more specifically, walking by the Spirit? Love, joy, peace, patience, kindness, goodness, faithfulness, gentleness, self-control. It makes so much sense to walk by the Spirit! Especially since I already DO live by the Spirit. I have been baptized into Him.
There are a couple things that God has pointed out for me in the past eight or nine months. One, I am made to worship. I have been given the talents to worship as well. Two, I am made to walk in the Spirit. Radically, passionately, zealously. I've been given the personality to do that. A few words spoken over me recently point to this. Walking in the Spirit is exciting! Isn't it? So I'm striving to do just that, and in so doing God will continue to transform me from the inside out.
I've made quite a few friends on the ship, some of whom are just on their DTS outreach, so they'll be leaving soon, which is sad. But my life has been filled with goodbyes, and I have found out that the best thing to do is just cry and then continue seeking God and His will for me. Which is what I'm doing right now, for my long term future. I have a plan, but I'm really praying for clear direction.
So, if you decide you want to intercede for me, pray that I would continue to walk in the Spirit, and that God would give me clear direction for what to do over the next year, and then some. Peace out!
Wednesday, June 16, 2010
Seventeenth Post
Sorry, this might be short.
Actually, screw it, I'm staying up late.
We arrived in Bowen. Well, we arrived in Gladstone. Actually, we arrived in Brisbane. It's been awhile...
So blah blah blah blah, and now we're in Bowen. If you care to know, it's where they did a lot of the filming for the movie "Australia." I overheard people saying they didn't do it in Darwin, where the film is supposed to be based, because Darwin's city was too civilized. So they filmed it in Bowen. Now you have an idea of where I am. It's a ten minute walk down the wharf. Thirty minutes of walking will get us to heaven, otherwise known as McDonald's, the land of free internet and not cheap, but still crappy food.
I'm days, hours, minutes, seconds away from diving into the ocean and swimming out as far as possible. I stand a better chance of deriving awe and wonder in God from the utter despair of being stranded in the darkness amongst crashing waves and curious fish than from beating myself over my failures that are all too easy to focus on when I'm comfortable. God, give something else to focus on. My mind reeks of disorder. My stomach has been perpetually twisted in a knot, begging for something or someone to untie it and resolve my mental flogging. Woe is me, for I am a sinner. I have tasted and seen the goodness of God; without Him I am lost in darkness, subject to disorder, knotted in anxiety. "What is man that you are mindful of him?"
Actually, screw it, I'm staying up late.
We arrived in Bowen. Well, we arrived in Gladstone. Actually, we arrived in Brisbane. It's been awhile...
So blah blah blah blah, and now we're in Bowen. If you care to know, it's where they did a lot of the filming for the movie "Australia." I overheard people saying they didn't do it in Darwin, where the film is supposed to be based, because Darwin's city was too civilized. So they filmed it in Bowen. Now you have an idea of where I am. It's a ten minute walk down the wharf. Thirty minutes of walking will get us to heaven, otherwise known as McDonald's, the land of free internet and not cheap, but still crappy food.
I'm days, hours, minutes, seconds away from diving into the ocean and swimming out as far as possible. I stand a better chance of deriving awe and wonder in God from the utter despair of being stranded in the darkness amongst crashing waves and curious fish than from beating myself over my failures that are all too easy to focus on when I'm comfortable. God, give something else to focus on. My mind reeks of disorder. My stomach has been perpetually twisted in a knot, begging for something or someone to untie it and resolve my mental flogging. Woe is me, for I am a sinner. I have tasted and seen the goodness of God; without Him I am lost in darkness, subject to disorder, knotted in anxiety. "What is man that you are mindful of him?"
Sunday, May 23, 2010
Sixteenth Post
Wow, I am such a hypocrite. I've been tossed back and forth by every wave, blown here and there by every wind; one minute satisfied with Jesus, the next, crushed by my unfaithfulness. But I encouraged myself; it's sad, actually, but I went back and read some of my blog. My excuse? To see where I've come from, and pathetically grasp at what I once recently had. All shame aside, I stumbled upon this very recent challenge to others, which ends up being a challenge to myself.
"Take an objective look at yourself over the past few months. Isn't God working in you? Breaking you free from bondage, bringing you nearer to Him, igniting PASSION in your heart to know Him and love Him. Ask your Father in heaven to help you see yourself how He sees you. Don't settle for guilt, shame, disappointment. Fight for a clear perspective on who He says you are."
Fight. That's what gets to me. I have not fought, but rather been pitiful in my defense rather than fighting for my faith. "Fight for my faith, live what I believe, gotta stand on my feet and sing, Oh I will sing..." I believe God is challenging me here. Do I fight, or lament in my supposed suffering? I have no grounds for my laments in comparison to others who continue to praise God, despite their trials. I am a sad warrior in God's Kingdom, but God is faithful to his people. "You will seek me and find me when you seek me with all your heart." Am I willing? Is my heart in this? No, not right now, but my heart is still beating. I am still allowed this opportunity to further God's Kingdom in a practical way. So I will fight for a right perspective on who God is, who I am, what I am doing, and what this ship is doing. This is too big to simply give up until I am done. I have something to offer here, and I will not shy away from that.
I'll tell you a bit about where I am/what I'm doing/my living conditions now that I'm done encouraging myself.
Well, let's see. My bed is super comfy. It's the top bunk, with a little curtain that made me silently scream when I first shut it. It's that feeling you get when you build a living room fort out of couch cushions and sheets, and you get a flashlight and some snacks, and it's the safest place you could ever be (other than in the Sixth Sense). I love that feeling, so every time I experience it, I silently throw a fit, unless of course there is a sickly girl vomiting in front me, at which point I'd throw a very loud fit. But usually silently, because there are room mates that I don't know well twelve inches away from me. Don't want a weird reputation. Or do I? I am a weird guy.
Food is good. Breakfast is at horrid hours, so I usually sleep through it.
Shower's are short, but doable.
Water conservation is a big deal.
ADD is kicking in fast.
I'm thinking about pulling out my new journal. There's this attachment to my old one, and a bit of OCD about finishing it entirely, but I might break the mold and leave the last 12 pages blank. It's holding me back from WRITING, because I keep expecting to write what I used to write, exactly how I used to write. But if I crack out my new journal and start fresh, maybe my bout of writer's block will be broken. I'm going to take a risk. Leave my old journal behind, pray over my new one, ask God for my prayer's to be passionate, freeing, full of truth and honesty. I write, that's how I pray. I can't focus without writing. Learning? Maybe, or it's just my style. I think I'll stop rambling now; I digress.
"Take an objective look at yourself over the past few months. Isn't God working in you? Breaking you free from bondage, bringing you nearer to Him, igniting PASSION in your heart to know Him and love Him. Ask your Father in heaven to help you see yourself how He sees you. Don't settle for guilt, shame, disappointment. Fight for a clear perspective on who He says you are."
Fight. That's what gets to me. I have not fought, but rather been pitiful in my defense rather than fighting for my faith. "Fight for my faith, live what I believe, gotta stand on my feet and sing, Oh I will sing..." I believe God is challenging me here. Do I fight, or lament in my supposed suffering? I have no grounds for my laments in comparison to others who continue to praise God, despite their trials. I am a sad warrior in God's Kingdom, but God is faithful to his people. "You will seek me and find me when you seek me with all your heart." Am I willing? Is my heart in this? No, not right now, but my heart is still beating. I am still allowed this opportunity to further God's Kingdom in a practical way. So I will fight for a right perspective on who God is, who I am, what I am doing, and what this ship is doing. This is too big to simply give up until I am done. I have something to offer here, and I will not shy away from that.
I'll tell you a bit about where I am/what I'm doing/my living conditions now that I'm done encouraging myself.
Well, let's see. My bed is super comfy. It's the top bunk, with a little curtain that made me silently scream when I first shut it. It's that feeling you get when you build a living room fort out of couch cushions and sheets, and you get a flashlight and some snacks, and it's the safest place you could ever be (other than in the Sixth Sense). I love that feeling, so every time I experience it, I silently throw a fit, unless of course there is a sickly girl vomiting in front me, at which point I'd throw a very loud fit. But usually silently, because there are room mates that I don't know well twelve inches away from me. Don't want a weird reputation. Or do I? I am a weird guy.
Food is good. Breakfast is at horrid hours, so I usually sleep through it.
Shower's are short, but doable.
Water conservation is a big deal.
ADD is kicking in fast.
I'm thinking about pulling out my new journal. There's this attachment to my old one, and a bit of OCD about finishing it entirely, but I might break the mold and leave the last 12 pages blank. It's holding me back from WRITING, because I keep expecting to write what I used to write, exactly how I used to write. But if I crack out my new journal and start fresh, maybe my bout of writer's block will be broken. I'm going to take a risk. Leave my old journal behind, pray over my new one, ask God for my prayer's to be passionate, freeing, full of truth and honesty. I write, that's how I pray. I can't focus without writing. Learning? Maybe, or it's just my style. I think I'll stop rambling now; I digress.
Friday, May 21, 2010
Fifteenth Post -- asdf;klj
I am now on the ship.
We are still in port.
My brain is shot right now, I truly can't think well, so forgive me as I try to form something communicable. Like that word, I have no idea if it's used in the right place.
Anyways, I've been sick for the past however many days. I don't even know days anymore. I got on the ship on Tuesday, and it's currently Friday night. YES. I am slowly regaining composure. It's been dumb being sick for the first few days on board -- it's not seasickness though. I've had this rascal of a fever that is fighting to stay in my body. I still have a terrible sore throat, but I've been up and aboutish for today and yesterday.
Basically, I need grace. Learning about humbling myself lately, I'll do that now in brutal honesty. Lately, all these things have been stacking up on me that I've taken on to myself, and it gets tiring. I feel like I've been ripped away from God because of this sickness, and how busy I've been, so I haven't been able to spend any time to myself just to sit down with God and whine and scream like I normally do, so I've been bottling it all up inside. It's about to push me over if I don't stop now and re-think things a bit. I want to find rest in God again. I don't know how I will do this without God, in all honesty. I envy and respect those that live minute to minute life styles and still fit Jesus into their day. But it starts with Jesus, right? I try.
So I'm going to go talk with Him now and see if I can work some things out. In the midst of all the busyness, I'll do my best to keep you up to date. Right now, this is a call to prayer, because I truly do need it.
Prayer points = peace, rest, wisdom, perseverance, and a genuine heart for what we're doing.
We are still in port.
My brain is shot right now, I truly can't think well, so forgive me as I try to form something communicable. Like that word, I have no idea if it's used in the right place.
Anyways, I've been sick for the past however many days. I don't even know days anymore. I got on the ship on Tuesday, and it's currently Friday night. YES. I am slowly regaining composure. It's been dumb being sick for the first few days on board -- it's not seasickness though. I've had this rascal of a fever that is fighting to stay in my body. I still have a terrible sore throat, but I've been up and aboutish for today and yesterday.
Basically, I need grace. Learning about humbling myself lately, I'll do that now in brutal honesty. Lately, all these things have been stacking up on me that I've taken on to myself, and it gets tiring. I feel like I've been ripped away from God because of this sickness, and how busy I've been, so I haven't been able to spend any time to myself just to sit down with God and whine and scream like I normally do, so I've been bottling it all up inside. It's about to push me over if I don't stop now and re-think things a bit. I want to find rest in God again. I don't know how I will do this without God, in all honesty. I envy and respect those that live minute to minute life styles and still fit Jesus into their day. But it starts with Jesus, right? I try.
So I'm going to go talk with Him now and see if I can work some things out. In the midst of all the busyness, I'll do my best to keep you up to date. Right now, this is a call to prayer, because I truly do need it.
Prayer points = peace, rest, wisdom, perseverance, and a genuine heart for what we're doing.
Saturday, May 15, 2010
Fourteenth Post -- Mt. Warning
I climbed a mountain yesterday.
I'm not in shape.
So today, I hurt everywhere.
Let me explain. I can barely walk. Jennifer and I (she's one of the land team directors) walked (a bit short of jogging) up the mountain, 4.4km (2.7 miles), all uphill. It was rain-foresty and beautiful on the way up. The last part was close to vertical, with a chain on the side to hold on to. The top was an awesome view. After about twenty minutes of rest, we jogged the entire way down. It was very good. I did well on the way up, and better on the way down, but today I am nothing. I limp when I walk. It's a sad sight, but I don't accept any pity. When people ask me why I'm limping I just jog a little and smile to ease their minds. "Nope, nothing wrong here!"
I'm surprised at how much I enjoyed it though. Area permitting, I'll climb a mountain every port we stop at!
So as for how my time is going here, it's progressing. I'm getting more and more comfortable with all the people, but then when the ship gets in on Tuesday, I'll have more people to meet. I haven't seen the ship yet, I'm with the land team waiting for it to come in. We split into groups and went to church this morning. We went to the wrong church first. But we had already gone inside and introduced ourselves, so we left three there, and Jen and I went to the right one. It was funny. But I can't laugh, because my body really hurts. Don't pity me or ask me why I'm limping though, I really hate jogging.
I'm not in shape.
So today, I hurt everywhere.
Let me explain. I can barely walk. Jennifer and I (she's one of the land team directors) walked (a bit short of jogging) up the mountain, 4.4km (2.7 miles), all uphill. It was rain-foresty and beautiful on the way up. The last part was close to vertical, with a chain on the side to hold on to. The top was an awesome view. After about twenty minutes of rest, we jogged the entire way down. It was very good. I did well on the way up, and better on the way down, but today I am nothing. I limp when I walk. It's a sad sight, but I don't accept any pity. When people ask me why I'm limping I just jog a little and smile to ease their minds. "Nope, nothing wrong here!"
I'm surprised at how much I enjoyed it though. Area permitting, I'll climb a mountain every port we stop at!
So as for how my time is going here, it's progressing. I'm getting more and more comfortable with all the people, but then when the ship gets in on Tuesday, I'll have more people to meet. I haven't seen the ship yet, I'm with the land team waiting for it to come in. We split into groups and went to church this morning. We went to the wrong church first. But we had already gone inside and introduced ourselves, so we left three there, and Jen and I went to the right one. It was funny. But I can't laugh, because my body really hurts. Don't pity me or ask me why I'm limping though, I really hate jogging.
Wednesday, May 12, 2010
Thirteenth Post -- IN Australia!
I am jet lagged. A little bit. So hopefully that will make this post more interesting without me even noticing.
Well. I don't know where to start.
So I traveled for I don't know how many hours, from DFW to LAX to Auckland to Melbourne to Sydney, where I stayed overnight, and finally (in relation to plane travel), Ballina. There I was picked up by some people from the YWAM base in Byron Bay, which is actually thirty-ish minutes away from Ballina, drove around in a rickety van with for a couple hours posting up flyers for the ship (which is coming in to Ballina next Tuesday), and then back to their base -- thirty-ish minutes away. So I stayed there overnight (last night), woke up, was informed somebody would come pick me up at 8am, Kevin (base director) picked me up, drove another thirty-ish minutes away to where I currently am, which is I don't know where. I don't know where I am, really. All I know is it's a farm turned hostel (cabins/main building with kitchens&lounge area/little horses/pigs/pond with kayaks/beautiful scenery/and one rabbit that I really want to shoot because it looks so big) for the next few days, until we move to a church, until we move to another campground closer to Ballina, until I move onto the ship.
Get all that? Take some time to read back over it if you like. It's a lot of moving around. Quite scenic.
When I arrived this morning, we had worship/prayer times which was awesome. I felt almost right at home, which is pretty good for the first day. After worship/prayer we had morning tea, and then returned for lectures about the ship and what it's doing and who YWAM is and what not. Learning what I'll be saying to interested people. That involved splitting into groups of two every now and then for practice. I could go on about my day, but it got pretty boring from there, at least on paper (computer), so I'll spare you that. I did eat though.
The night is not over. It's only 6:42pm right now. I'm fairly uncreative right now, so all I can offer you is all that informational writing up there. Hopefully as time goes on I'll start getting inspired again and be able to entertain you with eloquent, smooth, and witty literature. Do I sound conceited?
Well. I don't know where to start.
So I traveled for I don't know how many hours, from DFW to LAX to Auckland to Melbourne to Sydney, where I stayed overnight, and finally (in relation to plane travel), Ballina. There I was picked up by some people from the YWAM base in Byron Bay, which is actually thirty-ish minutes away from Ballina, drove around in a rickety van with for a couple hours posting up flyers for the ship (which is coming in to Ballina next Tuesday), and then back to their base -- thirty-ish minutes away. So I stayed there overnight (last night), woke up, was informed somebody would come pick me up at 8am, Kevin (base director) picked me up, drove another thirty-ish minutes away to where I currently am, which is I don't know where. I don't know where I am, really. All I know is it's a farm turned hostel (cabins/main building with kitchens&lounge area/little horses/pigs/pond with kayaks/beautiful scenery/and one rabbit that I really want to shoot because it looks so big) for the next few days, until we move to a church, until we move to another campground closer to Ballina, until I move onto the ship.
Get all that? Take some time to read back over it if you like. It's a lot of moving around. Quite scenic.
When I arrived this morning, we had worship/prayer times which was awesome. I felt almost right at home, which is pretty good for the first day. After worship/prayer we had morning tea, and then returned for lectures about the ship and what it's doing and who YWAM is and what not. Learning what I'll be saying to interested people. That involved splitting into groups of two every now and then for practice. I could go on about my day, but it got pretty boring from there, at least on paper (computer), so I'll spare you that. I did eat though.
The night is not over. It's only 6:42pm right now. I'm fairly uncreative right now, so all I can offer you is all that informational writing up there. Hopefully as time goes on I'll start getting inspired again and be able to entertain you with eloquent, smooth, and witty literature. Do I sound conceited?
Saturday, May 8, 2010
Twelfth Post
I'm leaving in less than twelve hours. Excitement and anxiety don't always mix well, so I'm praying for peace that passes all understanding. Why wouldn't I be anxious? I'm starting something new, oooobaaammmaa's eeelff. But not really, because God is with me, and I'll meet new people soon enough.
Sleep is high on my priorities right now, so I'm going to let it rise to the top. Consequently, this post is short. I hope that on these plane rides I will become more Christlike. And then for the next nine months, more Christlike. Closer and closer to who I was always meant to be. Nearer to who God is shaping me to be. Please, pray that over me real quick.
I love this promise that is for all believers, and I claim it by the grace of Christ.
"May God himself, the God of peace, sanctify you through and through. May your whole spirit, soul and body be kept blameless at the coming of our Lord Jesus Christ. The one who calls you is faithful and he will do it."
1 Thessalonians 5:23-24
Take an objective look at yourself over the past few months. Isn't God working in you? Breaking you free from bondage, bringing you nearer to Him, igniting PASSION in your heart to know Him and love Him. Ask your Father in heaven to help you see yourself how He sees you. Don't settle for guilt, shame, disappointment. Fight for a clear perspective on who He says you are.
Sleep is high on my priorities right now, so I'm going to let it rise to the top. Consequently, this post is short. I hope that on these plane rides I will become more Christlike. And then for the next nine months, more Christlike. Closer and closer to who I was always meant to be. Nearer to who God is shaping me to be. Please, pray that over me real quick.
I love this promise that is for all believers, and I claim it by the grace of Christ.
"May God himself, the God of peace, sanctify you through and through. May your whole spirit, soul and body be kept blameless at the coming of our Lord Jesus Christ. The one who calls you is faithful and he will do it."
1 Thessalonians 5:23-24
Take an objective look at yourself over the past few months. Isn't God working in you? Breaking you free from bondage, bringing you nearer to Him, igniting PASSION in your heart to know Him and love Him. Ask your Father in heaven to help you see yourself how He sees you. Don't settle for guilt, shame, disappointment. Fight for a clear perspective on who He says you are.
Sunday, May 2, 2010
Eleventh Post
Wow, I feel inspired to live! I just read one of Donald Miller's blog posting's on God probably not having a specific plan for your life. Sounds a little sketchy at first glance, right? But it makes sense. Here's a link to the post:
http://donmilleris.com/2010/04/29/does-god-have-a-specific-plan-for-your-life-probably-not/
The reason this stuck out so much to me is because I could be the one sitting around waiting for God to tell me what to do if it weren't for one quote my brother, Carter, shared with me. "Love God and do what you want."
After much prayer about whether or not I should go to Australia and volunteer on the Pacific Link medical ship, I still didn't have an angel knock at my door and tell me that it was the right thing to do. Nor did I have God speak to me directly. Nor did I have everything working out perfectly, yet. It was still all up in the air. But I guess you could say that phone conversation with Carter nudged me over the edge. "Love God and do what you want." I want to go to Australia, I want to volunteer on this ship, and I love God. So I decided to go for it. And everything is working out! Why?
Because God loves me, and He loves that I'm following after His heart, so He's opening doors. It's not cocky for me to write that last sentence, it's Truth. God loves me. There is not an atom of hate in Him towards me. I heard the definition somewhere that to hate is "to wish death upon," but God wants life for me! He WANTS to see me prosper. He WANTS to see me content. He WANTS me to be joyful. He WANTS me to live an adventure. He WANTS to fulfill the desires of my heart. He WANTS to be my sole provider and foundation. And He is more than capable to do all of these things.
When I write "me," I mean "us." All of this applies to you -- ...unless you are an animal. I don't think He sent Jesus Christ to reconcile animals to Himself. But seriously, do you want joy, prosperity, contentment, adventure, fulfillment? My Father in heaven will provide.
I decided to draw with my crayons, and God is blessing me immensely. I say this before I have even departed on my adventure. How much more will I feel blessed when I'm living it?! Psalm 37:4-5 says " Delight yourself in the LORD, and he will give you the desires of your heart. Commit your way to the LORD; trust in him, and he will act..." Take my story as a testimony to God's faithfulness, please. This is what I have done, and what I am doing: I am delighting myself in the Lord as best I can; he is giving me the desires of my heart, regardless of my failure to delight in him completely. I have committed my way to the Lord as best I can, albeit my commitment to him is nothing compared to his commitment to me. Now, I am trusting in him by deciding to go to Australia, essentially without any money or 'sure sign' from him. And my gracious, loving, proud, honorable Father in heaven is acting. He is cheering me on, faithfully providing through the loving hearts of YOU. If you are supporting me in prayer, finances, or simply good favor, you yourself are a testimony to God's faithfulness in my life. So I thank you, and I thank God!
Live a little. Stop limiting yourself, and God. Go for it. If it's a desire of your heart, try it; see what happens. If it doesn't work out, maybe that's your 'sure sign' that it's not God's will right now. Delight yourself in God, commit your way to him, and then trust him to act in your best interest. Draw with your crayons!
http://donmilleris.com/2010/04/29/does-god-have-a-specific-plan-for-your-life-probably-not/
The reason this stuck out so much to me is because I could be the one sitting around waiting for God to tell me what to do if it weren't for one quote my brother, Carter, shared with me. "Love God and do what you want."
After much prayer about whether or not I should go to Australia and volunteer on the Pacific Link medical ship, I still didn't have an angel knock at my door and tell me that it was the right thing to do. Nor did I have God speak to me directly. Nor did I have everything working out perfectly, yet. It was still all up in the air. But I guess you could say that phone conversation with Carter nudged me over the edge. "Love God and do what you want." I want to go to Australia, I want to volunteer on this ship, and I love God. So I decided to go for it. And everything is working out! Why?
Because God loves me, and He loves that I'm following after His heart, so He's opening doors. It's not cocky for me to write that last sentence, it's Truth. God loves me. There is not an atom of hate in Him towards me. I heard the definition somewhere that to hate is "to wish death upon," but God wants life for me! He WANTS to see me prosper. He WANTS to see me content. He WANTS me to be joyful. He WANTS me to live an adventure. He WANTS to fulfill the desires of my heart. He WANTS to be my sole provider and foundation. And He is more than capable to do all of these things.
When I write "me," I mean "us." All of this applies to you -- ...unless you are an animal. I don't think He sent Jesus Christ to reconcile animals to Himself. But seriously, do you want joy, prosperity, contentment, adventure, fulfillment? My Father in heaven will provide.
I decided to draw with my crayons, and God is blessing me immensely. I say this before I have even departed on my adventure. How much more will I feel blessed when I'm living it?! Psalm 37:4-5 says " Delight yourself in the LORD, and he will give you the desires of your heart. Commit your way to the LORD; trust in him, and he will act..." Take my story as a testimony to God's faithfulness, please. This is what I have done, and what I am doing: I am delighting myself in the Lord as best I can; he is giving me the desires of my heart, regardless of my failure to delight in him completely. I have committed my way to the Lord as best I can, albeit my commitment to him is nothing compared to his commitment to me. Now, I am trusting in him by deciding to go to Australia, essentially without any money or 'sure sign' from him. And my gracious, loving, proud, honorable Father in heaven is acting. He is cheering me on, faithfully providing through the loving hearts of YOU. If you are supporting me in prayer, finances, or simply good favor, you yourself are a testimony to God's faithfulness in my life. So I thank you, and I thank God!
Live a little. Stop limiting yourself, and God. Go for it. If it's a desire of your heart, try it; see what happens. If it doesn't work out, maybe that's your 'sure sign' that it's not God's will right now. Delight yourself in God, commit your way to him, and then trust him to act in your best interest. Draw with your crayons!
Friday, April 30, 2010
Tenth Post -- Music
My brother, Drew, was recently talking about how music is a highway to the soul. It really gets to people like nothing else can. And it's true. In my opinion, music is exceedingly beneficial to our wellbeing. Whether the creation of, the participation in, or simply the act of listening to music will inspire something inside of us.
Anyways, recently one of my friends was badgering me about sharing some of my music with the world. It's weird for me to do, for some reason, but here is one song. I wrote the lyrics while Matt and I were camping out on the rock (see Sixth post), and then put the guitar to it while we were in Ohio. It's obviously a rough recording; I'm using my computer's mic, so it distorts easily. Who cares. I hope you enjoy my vocal solo at the very end.
http://www.garageband.com/song?|pe1|S8LTM0LdsaShY1SzZGs
Click on the neon green play button.
Anyways, recently one of my friends was badgering me about sharing some of my music with the world. It's weird for me to do, for some reason, but here is one song. I wrote the lyrics while Matt and I were camping out on the rock (see Sixth post), and then put the guitar to it while we were in Ohio. It's obviously a rough recording; I'm using my computer's mic, so it distorts easily. Who cares. I hope you enjoy my vocal solo at the very end.
http://www.garageband.com/song?|pe1|S8LTM0LdsaShY1SzZGs
Click on the neon green play button.
Friday, April 23, 2010
Ninth Post
I have two subjects to ponder today, both of which are of great importance, although one is spiritual and the other mainly physical. I don't know either inside out, but that's why I'm pondering them.
First, repentance. Death is eagerly awaiting to swallow us whole, but patient enough to settle for a bit at a time. Why do I bring up death? Because any pause between the recognition of sin and the act of repentance is an open wound inviting Satan to pour salt into it, eventually bringing some kind of death. I have thought about this often, because I sin often. Condemnation, guilt, shame, fear, doubt, separation from God. All of this, the result of me waiting to feel enough sorrow to merit my reception of forgiveness. How dumb. I must not wait to feel sorrow, or even conviction, to accept grace. If I think about it, I often do feel conviction or sorrow, I just don't think it's enough. But who am I to question the Holy Spirit in convicting me? God has already payed the price for my life, justifying me before Himself, allowing my entrance into His presence for eternity. Romans 3:22-24 proves this -- "This righteousness from God comes through faith in Jesus Christ to all who believe. There is no difference, for all have sinned and fall short of the glory of God, and are justified freely by his grace through the redemption that came by Christ Jesus.(NIV, emphasis added)" So if you are like me, stop beating yourself up over sin, and simply come to God, even boldly, in repentance once again. "Let us therefore come boldly unto the throne of grace, that we may obtain mercy, and find grace to help in time of need (KJV)." Hebrews 4:16
Now, food.
Yes, I said food. I love food. I eat a lot of food, too. And just recently, through the viewing of a few documentaries and revelation of my duty here on earth, have I begun thinking, really thinking, about where exactly my food is coming from. What all is in it? Are all of the people supplying it being treated fairly? Are even the animals being slaughtered taken care of when they are alive? What is the spirit behind the production of all the food that I eat? Is it a spirit of greed, or thoughtful consideration of the wellbeing of others? Basically, does 'Wal-Mart' really want to help people, or make money through the exploitation and mistreatment of vulnerable humans and animals?
I'll start with my responsibility as a human. Genesis 1:28 says "God blessed them and said to them, 'Be fruitful and increase in number; fill the earth and subdue it. Rule over the fish of the sea and the birds of the air and over every living creature that moves on the ground.'" I think God is proud of his creation of animals and plants and water and dirt. He said all of it was good. He is pleased with all of it. So as an image bearer of a God who is pleased with and proud of this earth, shouldn't I do everything in my power to steward wisely all that I have rule over? Not to treat the earth and everything in it simply as an instrument to satisfy my greed and selfishness. I believe in caring for our dwelling here. Not because I love this earth, but because anything less than caring for it is done out of fear, lack of faith, doubt, greed, selfishness, etc... it could get extremely long and complicated as to why I feel inclined to be a good steward of the earth and everything in it, but I'm just going to hope that you understand.
Now, these documentaries have gotten me thinking. I'd have to watch them again and research for myself to sift the fact from fiction, but I am more aware of some things that go on to bring food to my...chair. We don't have a table in here.
First off, chickens are treated pretty bad when they are alive. These massive, frozen, boneless chicken breasts that I have bought in bulk come from hormone injected chickens that are growing so fast their muscles cannot keep up with their weight. They can't walk, and they barely even stand. Most of their life is spent in a dark warehouse, surrounded by hundreds of other pathetic chickens, wallowing in their filth. I don't want to eat that chicken.
Second, many farmer's are manipulated by the companies buying their crop in bulk. The companies keep them in debt by forcing them to keep buying the latest equipment or pesticide or whatever. It comes down to mass production. It seems anything will be done for 'the most they can get in the least amount of time'. I don't want to condone that at any level.
Sadly, it's difficult to do much about this. I feel like I'm becoming a semi-vegetarian, and I tried to buy as much organic labeled food when I went shopping yesterday, but it's hard to find all organic in Tyler, TX. Fast food restaurants are dwindling down for me, and Wal-Mart is less and less appealing. There's probably a lot that I would have to give up, as well as search for, to stop condoning any hint of these injustices altogether, but I'm taking baby steps. I still bought lunch meat yesterday.
I know that somewhere animals and humans are greatly mistreated, and I also know that my consumption of certain foods only encourages these injustices. So I have a lot more thinking and researching to do, but at least I'm more aware. That's what I want you to be. More aware. Hopefully you will start thinking and researching for yourself.
First, repentance. Death is eagerly awaiting to swallow us whole, but patient enough to settle for a bit at a time. Why do I bring up death? Because any pause between the recognition of sin and the act of repentance is an open wound inviting Satan to pour salt into it, eventually bringing some kind of death. I have thought about this often, because I sin often. Condemnation, guilt, shame, fear, doubt, separation from God. All of this, the result of me waiting to feel enough sorrow to merit my reception of forgiveness. How dumb. I must not wait to feel sorrow, or even conviction, to accept grace. If I think about it, I often do feel conviction or sorrow, I just don't think it's enough. But who am I to question the Holy Spirit in convicting me? God has already payed the price for my life, justifying me before Himself, allowing my entrance into His presence for eternity. Romans 3:22-24 proves this -- "This righteousness from God comes through faith in Jesus Christ to all who believe. There is no difference, for all have sinned and fall short of the glory of God, and are justified freely by his grace through the redemption that came by Christ Jesus.(NIV, emphasis added)" So if you are like me, stop beating yourself up over sin, and simply come to God, even boldly, in repentance once again. "Let us therefore come boldly unto the throne of grace, that we may obtain mercy, and find grace to help in time of need (KJV)." Hebrews 4:16
Now, food.
Yes, I said food. I love food. I eat a lot of food, too. And just recently, through the viewing of a few documentaries and revelation of my duty here on earth, have I begun thinking, really thinking, about where exactly my food is coming from. What all is in it? Are all of the people supplying it being treated fairly? Are even the animals being slaughtered taken care of when they are alive? What is the spirit behind the production of all the food that I eat? Is it a spirit of greed, or thoughtful consideration of the wellbeing of others? Basically, does 'Wal-Mart' really want to help people, or make money through the exploitation and mistreatment of vulnerable humans and animals?
I'll start with my responsibility as a human. Genesis 1:28 says "God blessed them and said to them, 'Be fruitful and increase in number; fill the earth and subdue it. Rule over the fish of the sea and the birds of the air and over every living creature that moves on the ground.'" I think God is proud of his creation of animals and plants and water and dirt. He said all of it was good. He is pleased with all of it. So as an image bearer of a God who is pleased with and proud of this earth, shouldn't I do everything in my power to steward wisely all that I have rule over? Not to treat the earth and everything in it simply as an instrument to satisfy my greed and selfishness. I believe in caring for our dwelling here. Not because I love this earth, but because anything less than caring for it is done out of fear, lack of faith, doubt, greed, selfishness, etc... it could get extremely long and complicated as to why I feel inclined to be a good steward of the earth and everything in it, but I'm just going to hope that you understand.
Now, these documentaries have gotten me thinking. I'd have to watch them again and research for myself to sift the fact from fiction, but I am more aware of some things that go on to bring food to my...chair. We don't have a table in here.
First off, chickens are treated pretty bad when they are alive. These massive, frozen, boneless chicken breasts that I have bought in bulk come from hormone injected chickens that are growing so fast their muscles cannot keep up with their weight. They can't walk, and they barely even stand. Most of their life is spent in a dark warehouse, surrounded by hundreds of other pathetic chickens, wallowing in their filth. I don't want to eat that chicken.
Second, many farmer's are manipulated by the companies buying their crop in bulk. The companies keep them in debt by forcing them to keep buying the latest equipment or pesticide or whatever. It comes down to mass production. It seems anything will be done for 'the most they can get in the least amount of time'. I don't want to condone that at any level.
Sadly, it's difficult to do much about this. I feel like I'm becoming a semi-vegetarian, and I tried to buy as much organic labeled food when I went shopping yesterday, but it's hard to find all organic in Tyler, TX. Fast food restaurants are dwindling down for me, and Wal-Mart is less and less appealing. There's probably a lot that I would have to give up, as well as search for, to stop condoning any hint of these injustices altogether, but I'm taking baby steps. I still bought lunch meat yesterday.
I know that somewhere animals and humans are greatly mistreated, and I also know that my consumption of certain foods only encourages these injustices. So I have a lot more thinking and researching to do, but at least I'm more aware. That's what I want you to be. More aware. Hopefully you will start thinking and researching for yourself.
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